1.Looking at
your watch to speed up or slow down time.
It's not
going to happen! Give it up already! Instead of looking at your watch
massage your dick and balls – it's more useful.
2.Telling
yourself you are younger than you are.
No, you are
not. Maybe next time. Oh! Wait! It doesn't work like that.
3.Telling
yourself the mirror makes you fat.
No, it
doesn't. Last time I checked mirrors were zero calories. Try them if
you don't trust me.
4.Not
masturbating.
What's in it
for you when you don't jack-off? It seems that only the pope wins in
similar situation.
5.Praying to
God.
Millions
tried it and prayer didn't save them from Adolf Hitler. Why do you
think you are special?
6.Reading
T-Nation
Reading
T-Nation is like reading toilet paper.
7.Voting
Voting
changes shit. It's an illusion of choice.
8.Posting
stupid stuff on Facebook
Nobody cares
about your posts. Even you – think about it dumb fuck.
9.Writing
letters to Santa Claus
It's
basically the same as praying to God – you get the same effect if
you scratch your balls.
10.Trying to
understand why people play golf.
It's a game
for rich bastards. You have no business thinking about it.
11.Saying
“Hello!”
Why bother?
What does that stupid word mean anyway?
12.Explaining
how the TV works to insects.
They will
never get it.
13.Believing
what the government tells you.
It's pointless. You should watch Star Wars. There is more truth about the world.
14.Telling
people “I am sorry.” before killing them.
What does
that change? You won't get less prison time for being polite.
15.Telling a
dog not to bite you.
Don't you
know that humans don't speak doggy languages. They are not part of
the school system.