Public transportation is where the ideas for all porn movies are born
– animal porn, insect porn, robot porn, Lego porn – it all
started in the head of a pervert traveling on a public train with
hundreds of equally crazy people around.
One of the fastest ways get a really good grasp on the street culture
of a specific town is to study its public transportation. Fuck
sightseeing, that's for the nerds. It's common knowledge that people
tend to make popular places shiny only to steal the money of
tourists. It's on the street where all the action happens. Streets
talk louder than monuments. Are you listening?
When using public transportation one is able to see representatives
of all three main social classes – poor, more poor and very poor.
Of course, occasionally there is a CEO whose car is in the shop and
if you are lucky enough you may get to smell his shitty perfume –
businessmen are all overdosing in order to hide their natural scent
known as: “I fuck people up for a living – I'm loving it!” It
gets even better when businessmen start talking about their first
world problems on their 10-inches phablets:
'Hi honey, I had a really bad day?'
'What happened, darling?'
'I had to fire that bitch, Susan. She started crying too much
after her husband died. It was getting annoying.'
'Fuck that bitch and her three kids, honey. I am waiting for you
naked in the bedroom. My l-o-v-e. Take your Viagra now. I want to
fuck you as soon as you pass through the door. Miss U!'
After the analysis of the CEO is complete and you move your head a
little bit to the side you see the really fat girl sitting next to
you. She listens to music, usually sad and depressing – the kind of
music producers of modern food want you to listen to in order for
sales of Oreo cookies and skittles to go up. He doesn't love you.
Here's a cookie..and here's one more. You didn't think it's all left
to chance, did you? Letting fate decide is something only losers are
known to do. You don't make the big bucks that way. Now, let's leave
the fat girl alone with her satanic music that is supposed to help
with losing weight through sacrifice and see what's waiting for you
on the other side.
{turns head to the other side}
Surprise! It's an old woman dressed like Miley Cyrus with all kinds
of flash showing from all kinds of holes. She is reading a
sophisticated yet pointless book – most likely some superficial
stuff written by Paulo Coelho and dedicated to his golden stick. The
golden rule for a best selling book these days is as follows –
promise people that they can get everything for nothing and you are a
millionaire. Seriously, people fall for all kinds of crazy things –
reptiles ruling over the world, talking aliens, Osama Bin Laden,
voting, banks...It's scary.
Unfortunately all of this ends during rush hour when all the hungry
animals go home to re-load the batteries. I've seen some crazy stuff
happen. It's like the jungle all over again. All kinds of wild
creatures are running around you and the s-c-r-e-a-m. Oh! Boy! They
not only scream they fucking murder the sonic spectrum. Only tough
motherfuckers survive.
Once you are in the boiler your true spirit is undergoing some
serious testing. The optimist in you thinks that most likely you will
get lucky and all people around you will be hot girls hungry for male
flash but of course this only happens in the porn movies and we all
know the difference between reality and porn is at least 10 inches.
In other words wake up! There are only sweaty dudes around you.
That would be 10 bucks, sir. I hope you enjoyed your trip.
