Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: New Clothes

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After Molly presented the situation to Little J and California Muscle they had no choice but to agree with her proposal since their ultimate goal was to put Antonio Montana behinds bars. Before starting to work on a strategy something else had to be done first.

'You both look like garbage bags. When was the last time you've showered?', said Molly who did not try to hide her disgust.

'We were too busy protecting ourselves from gunfire and fists. Sorry, we had no time to buy suits.', answered California Muscle while Little J was preparing to show her the middle finger but did not.

'Time to go shopping then.' {Molly}

The town was quite famous with its futuristic male clothing stores from the chain: “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. Those were clothing shops specifically dedicated to make men look bigger and more muscular than they were. However, everything there was very expensive and only a few could afford to put on the magic clothes. Needless to say, California Muscle and Little J were not part of the chosen ones. Despite all that this exactly where Molly took them.

'Please, tell me you are joking. I am not stealing anything from here.', said California Muscle after they were in one of the stores.

'Don't worry, silly! We have plenty of cash to afford a few suits! I sold your steroids and growth hormone.' {Molly}. When California Muscle heard that his steroids and the ones of his father, CT Flat Brain, were sold, most likely for cheap change, he was quite close to killing a few people around him. Thankfully, he was able to hold his nerves back and just squeezed the hand of Molly real hard. 'Aw. Stop that.', she said.

After about 1 hour of selection Johnny and Cali were now dressed in suits from the latest product line of “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. It was an amazing first hand experience.

'It's so soft. I feel like I can live here forever.', said Johnny while checking himself in the mirror and trying to look real gangsta. On the other hand California Muscle was not so happy with his suit since everything was too tight for him and he was quite disappointed. 'Make it look bigger my ass.', he said.

Image credit: www.halloweenplayground.com 
Molly already haa a suit prepared for the mission.

'Don't complain like a little boy. Nobody makes clothes for steroid loaded bodybuilders. It's the CrossFit look that's is fashionable right now.', said Molly while checking her Facebook account on her phone.

Once the clothes shopping was done it was time to buy proper weaponry because you just don't go break in the house of a steroid/growth hormone kingpin without some real force. Since real guns were too expensive and potentially dangerous Molly decided to offer a different solution – big water guns and professional slingshots as a secondary weapon of choice. There was one modification though – the water guns had to be filled with cat urine. {the smell could kill an elephant}. By about 6 p.m. Molly, Cali and Little J were ready with everything and it was time for some action.

'Are were really doing this.', said Johnny.

'Yes, were are.', replied Molly and Cali in one voice. They though it was cute and started laughing.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Devil in a Red Dress

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California Muscle and Little J were now in a jail cell for assault of a police officer. Their position was getting more and more uncomfortable and their leverage weaker and weaker.

'It's your fault, you dumb fuck!”, said Cali.

“Why me?”, answered Johnny.

“Because you are the one who dropped the barbell in the first place. Stupid skinny...”

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”, said Little J and even tried to punch California Muscle but in the middle of the hit his brain restarted and he stopped with the hand in the air. Cali looked at him, angry as hell, and sat on the bench. After a few hours of silence Johnny said:

'Look man, I am sorry. We have to work together in order to get out of this situation.'

'How? We can't even pay our bail! It's USD 2 000! We are going to stay here for a long, long time!'

'Ding Ding' {someone knocked on the metal prison cell}

It was Molly.

http://www.ebay.com/

'Let's go guy! I need your help.', said the devil in red dress. Everything about her was screaming S-E-X. It turns out that Molly has paid the bail of the muscle duo but like everything in life there was a catch. On their way out of the police station Johnny pointed a middle finger at the police officer Lyle McDonald's and said “Fuck you!” by just moving his lips and not making any sound. Once outside Cali started talking:

'Bitch, we want our money, drugs and IDs back.'

'Easy, muscle boy. There is time and place for everything. Remember I was the one who got you out of the little bird cage.'

'Yes, but that's the least you could do after screwing us over.', said Johnny who seemed awfully happy to use adult language.

'Shut up. Puppy boy! What is the real reason you came back, Molly?', said Cali Muscle.

'The truth is I need your help with an investigation against Antonio Montana. I am not who you think I am.'

'Who are you? And we know about the cameras in Antonio's house.' {California Muscle}

'I am a private investigator and was hired by the private organization IronGangsta.com to find evidence against Antonio Montana. That's why I planted the spy cameras in his room. Photos seemed to be an insufficient proof. I need to go back and the spy cameras but I can't do it on my own.', explained Molly.

'What do you need us for? Can't you just do it like the first time?' {Johnny}

'No. The first time I was able to break in after pretending to be interested in dating Antonio Montana. If I meet with him one more time he may expect me to do more than just be a good listener. That's why I need someone to cover me and since you are not in a position to reject offers I decided to use your services', said Molly while putting on red lipstick.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Hello Prison

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California Muscle and Little J nhad concrete evidence that Mr. Antonio Montana was a steroid and growth hormone kingpin drug dealer. Before going to the police the duo decided to return the camera to the pawn shop since it was no longer needed and all the information was stored on the memory card of the device anyway. After receiving their 10 dollars back Cali and Little J decided to get something to eat.

Unfortunately, it's hard to satisfy a bodybuilder with just 10 bucks when it came down to food. Muscle worshipers have notorious eating habits and suffer from different disorders. The most obvious one is that bodybuilders refuse to eat something that is not rich in protein which is the muscle building macro nutrient. The more of it in your diet – the better. It was already 10 p.m. and the only opened placed was an Arabic restaurant selling mostly falafel sandwiches. With 10 dollars one could buy exactly two of those. For Little J and California Muscle this was better than nothing, even though Cali was trying to imagine that he was eating lean chicken breast while chewing his falafels. After the re-load the two men headed straight to the local police department in order to present the fresh evidence they've obtained.

'Hello. We are hear to put a drug kingpin behind bars.', said California Muscle to the first police officers he saw in the station.

'Ha-ha-ha! Nice try!', replied the police officer and continued to list through the Facebook photos of his ex-girlfriend.

'I am dead fucking serious! Stupid trash with a badge!', said California Muscle whose stomach was feeling raped by the recently ingested sandwich. The heartburn was serious.

'Ok. The door at the end of the hall is where you can submit a complain about drug related issues.', answered the police officer who was already feeling depressed by the fact that his former girlfriend has uploaded a selfie of her and a new man. The cop was about to kill himself. By the looks of it suicide by Facebook seemed like a cool way go. 'Maybe I will receive a lot of likes if I post my death wish on my Facebook wall.', was thinking the cop – but that's a whole different story.

California Muscle knocked at the door at the end of the hall.

'Come in.', {girly voice}. The man in question was Detective Lyle McDonald's. He was a skinny fat nerd wearing three million dollar glasses and his room was full of research paper. Lyle was nerd production force at it finest.

'Good evening, sir. We are here to present concrete evidence that Antonio Montana is a drug kingpin. In exchange for the photos we want all charges against us dropped. Otherwise there will be no deal.', said California Muscle while Johnny was scratching his balls through the pocket of his pants hoping that nobody will see what he is doing.

'Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool', said Lyle

'You guys really made my day. Looooooooooooooool'

'Do you really think that pictures showing how a man exchanges bottles for money will stand in court. Come on! My 88-year-old mother knows better than that! Go fuck yourself in the butt and leave me so that I can do my research work.', said McDonald's.

Cali was mad as hell. He grabbed McDonald's by the throat and was about to crush it when a police officer came from the back and teased Cali. Obviously, Lyle McDonald's has pressed the panic button or something like that.

onossocasamento.pt

Cali and Little J were now in a prison cell and freedom has become an even bigger illusion.

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Why I Hate Lyle McDonald

Lyle McDonald is famous "guru" in the field of nutrition and weightlifting. He has published a lot of books regarding dieting. He is most famous for his Rapid Fat Loss book which is designed to reduce your bodyfat in the fastest possible way. Needless to say his stupid diet is simply PSMF (Protein Sparing Modified Fast) which has been around forever. Yes, it works but not because of this nerd.

I don't like Lyle McDonald for the simple fact that he disrespects his forum members, potential clients and pretty much anybody who disagrees with him. In other words he is a douche bag. Recently I received messages from many people complaining from his behaviour. He always bans people when they call him out. Always. I've never deleted a single comment from this site or Rookiejournal.com. Never. 

The main problem with Lyle McDonald is that he is one hell of a nerd who was always looking like the average 98 pounds weakling. At the same time he is writing routines about bulking up, getting "shredded", getting stronger...etc. He is constantly reporting how much progress his clients are making. Truth be told quite a lot of people actually fail using his methods, himself included. He only posts the successful stories. That's normal. I would do the same. No doubt.

Lyle McDonald acts like a super tough guy yet from the looks of it he deadlifts about 140 kg in competition and it seems quite hard for him. 

Lyle McDonald never reached his muscular potential - as you can see his head is too big for his body, probably his biggest body part. The funny thing is that when people looking like him or even a little better ask him for advice he usually tells them to "eat more sandwiches". 

Many people including the guru Alan Aragon (above picture) are backing Lyle McDonald for one very simple reason - marketing. 

Very rarely the "gurus" will argue. Why? Because they profit more by advertising their own bullshit and backing each other. Before you ask - no I am not a guru and I will never be. That's too gay. 

Lyle McDonald when are you going to reach a bodyweight of 135lbs? Maybe "eat more sandwhiches?"

Guru

5'8, 130lbs 12%BF

P.S. Why don't you use that picture on the cover of your books?

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