Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World:The Treasure

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After the unpleasant experience Molly had with Christian T she decided to go to the local park and calm her down. She sat on a bench and for about 1 hour just looked at the fountain in front of her. Finally, she decided to examine the map she took from Chris-T. It was an extremely detailed chart presenting different drug zones – not only steroids but also narcotics such as cocaine and ironically ecstasy (Molly is slang for ecstasy).

The information in the hands of Molly was great but she didn't know what to do with it. The police department in the town was too corrupt and she was hired by IronGangsta.com after all. Being a bad girl who likes to watch a lot of TV Series such as White Collar Molly decided to play detective and pulled out her UV detector in order to check for hidden signs. Everything was looking pretty normal and the inspection was about to end when the lamp passed over the center the map. There were some kind of numbers resembling coordinates - 30°51′39″N 100°35′54″W.

Luckily Molly had one of those fancy phones that people were calling smart and entered the data into Google Earth. According to the Big Brother the location was somewhere in this very town. To be precise the coordinates were pointing to some kind of old monument in the center of the town. It was just a few blocks away and Molly decided to examine it in order to see what was so special about it.

The monument was weird to say the least. It represented a Golden Men Masturbating on a building. It was a wild thing although locals were pretty accustomed to it. But why would that monument be of any interest to Christian T and Antonio Montana. What was so special about that dude?

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'This is the bitch. Take her.', said somebody.

The voice came behind Molly's back and she turned to see what was going on. Two guys who were incredibly similar to the guards of Antonio Montana were just 10 or 15 steps away from her. They were the perfect definition of armed and dangerous and looked like two hungry and angry pitbulls who haven't eaten for 2 days to a year. Normally, Molly was going to stay for the fun but decided to test the record of Usain Bolt. After all her father used to say that running was the best form of self-defense.

Molly started running.

'Hey, bitch! Stop or we will shoot.”

Molly had a M-16 rifle in her bag but there were too many civilians and she was not the most precise shooter in the world. In fact, she sucked, but don't tell anyone. The former waitress reached one of the main streets and approached the first car parked at the side of the road.

'Hey, sexy how you doing?', said the driver.

'Very nice.', answered Molly and punched him in the face. He was knocked out, cold.

Molly moved the driver to the front passenger seat and started the car.

She was gone but new very well that time was not on her side. Molly decided to organize one more meeting of the old crew.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Show Me The Money

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This time Molly decided to play the “tough girl card.”

'Let's bench press.', {Molly}

'Hm...sure.', replied Johnny with a very nervous voice. The reason was that he was afraid Molly may be stronger than him and push more weight. It's the worse that can happen to your self-esteem – being outbenched by a girl.

Molly and Johnny approached the bench press station right next to Christian T and started warming-up. Up to about 135lbs Molly was feeling pretty strong, however, after the weight got up to 150lbs she started doing partial repetitions in order to save her strength. Johnny saw that and said:

'You need to let the barbell touch your chest and the push the weight back up.'

'Fuck you and and put 225lbs on the bar.' {Molly – she had a plan}

Johnny knew very well that 225lbs was a weight Molly would never be able to press up but he had “enough of this bitch” and decided to play along. 225lbs or 4 plates were loaded on the bar. Molly grabbed the weight – her arms were shaking like sausages. This is never a good sign when you are bench pressing. She lowered the weight all the way to her chest and tried to push-up: 'Uh........'. She failed and asked Johnny for help but the weight was too heavy even for him. This is when her bald savior Christian T a.k.a The Anaconda Man came to save her. He took the 225lbs barbell and performed a bicep curl. Molly was free. {little did he know that it was all part of her plan}.

'Are you trying to kill yourself? Your spotter is pure shit.' {Christian T.}

'It's all good. Usually I rep this weight but I had a very rough couple of days and obviously my recovery is not up to par. How is the juice that you bought from me? Is it delicious?', said Molly while scratching her calves.

'Ah...the juice. It's perfect.' {Christian T}

'What juice? Are you taking steroids again?', said the wife of Christian T {the couple was training together}

'Of course not, honey. You know I have health problems and can't take that shit.', lied Christian T. a.k.a. The Anaconda Man.

'I hope you are telling the truth. Let's go to the pec deck machine and pump your pecs.' {Christian T's wife/husband}

'Just a moment, honey. Start without me. I want to make sure that this lady is ok.', replied Christian T who almost shit the bed this time. He knew very well that his wife was going to kick him out if she found out that he was lying about his heart problems and was taking all the steroids known to man kind.

'I see what you did right there. S-E-X-Y. Your wife doesn't know about your addiction to hormones.', said Molly while touching her right tit pretending that it was hurting because of the bench pressing she did. Then Molly told Johhny to buy her a protein shake to calm her down after such an intense bench press session.

Once Christian T and Molly were alone they started talking:

'Shut up. She can't know about any of this, if I want to live.' {the Anaconda Man}

'What will daddy do to make me shut up.' {Molly}

'What do you want?'

'Tell me about that map you exchanged with Antonio you fucktard or I am going to tell your wife that you are not only using steroids but also fucking other women on daily basis.', said Molly.

'Ok. I will tell you all about it. Meet me tomorrow morning at the office. I work for Gay-Nation. Here's my card.'

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Bad Bitch or Genius?

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Johnny was starting to think that Molly was one of the most cold-blooded bitches he was ever going to meet. She stabbed him in the back once and by the looks of it she did it again by leaving him tied to the bed next to his mother who was screaming like a crazy person.

He was right. Molly was truly a cold-blooded reptilian like bitch and a back stabber. She was a true and complete representative of the Scorpio zodiac sign – back bitter and a slut {or simply a bitch}. With all that being said she needed Johnny to find the map which Christian T and Antonio Montana exchanged. That's why she came back to take Johnny. Once Molly untied Little J and his mother the latter slapped her in the face and said: '

'Back in my day women were women and did not need M-16 rifles to prove a point.'

Little J's mother was a former wrestler and wasn't afraid to fight. She grabbed the latest issue of 'Flex Your Dick Muscle Magazine' {Little J's favorite read since starting bodybuilding} and began to beat furiously both Molly and Johnny.

'I never want to see you again. Take your little sadomasochistic whore with you and never come back.', added the angry mother and pushed them outside.

'Damn, your mother really loves you.' {Molly}

'Why the hell did you do all that bullshit and what was on the video, blondie?', said Little J while trying to act real tough only to fail miserably. Molly was never going to be intimidated by such pathetic attempts.

'The video was corrupted and I couldn't see anything. We are still in the hole.' {Molly}

'Are you fucking kidding me? We need that video in order to finally get our lives back.', said Little J and started walking in a small circle in order to calm himself down. That was his trick.

'I have an idea. Why don't we go train a little bit. I think you've skipped plenty of workouts already. When was the was time you trained your arms. They look smaller.', said Molly who knew very well that those words put a grenade in Johnny's soul. When you are a seriously addicted bodybuilder missing workouts is never an option but when somebody could actually see you getting smaller before his eyes was the worst.

'You are right. I am getting smaller but where are we going to find a gym. They will kill me if I show at Crap Is Golden Gym.', said Johnny sounding like a newborn baby.

'How about Homo Planet Gym?', offered Molly while being complete aware that this was the place where Christian T was usually training. She wanted to get some information out of him regarding the map.

'Are you serious? I thought that was a gay gym, like gay bars.', said Johnny.

'It's only gay if you want it to be gay.', replied Molly and started the car she stole from Antonio Montana.

'Let's hit the weights then.'

After 24.5 minutes Molly and Little J were already approaching Homo Planet Gym.

'We have to stop here and hide the car. Somebody can recognize it belongs to Antonio Montana.', said Molly. There was a nice supermarket nearby and it seemed like the perfect place to leave the monster on wheels. Johnny even bought a protein waffle from the stoe{he was that ignorant!} because the ones in the gyms were grossly overpriced.

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Once the “couple” was in Homo Planet Gym Molly started looking around for Christian T. Initially she failed to see him but on her second attempt she spotted him – he was bench pressing, like always. This time however seducing him was going to be harder than last time. He wasn't alone – his wife was training with him. She was a bodybuilder as well. The fact that she had small boobs and was ugly as hell was on Molly's side but she was his wife and seducing someone with his women present in the same room next to him was considered the ultimate test for every slut.

Challenge accepted!

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Business As Usual

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Molly and Little J were headed straight to home of the latter. He lived with his parents in a small apartment at the end of the town. That's why the ride took a little longer than expected and Molly had to stop at a gas station in order to, as Dr. Dre would say, “put some gas in that motherfucker”.

While she was graciously loading the car with fuel Johnny saw an employee of Crap Is Golden Gym spreading some kind of posters – Little J and California Muscle were wanted. This wasn't a big surprise since this town was pretty crazy in the first place and by the looks of it was also living according to the laws in the 19^th century.

After 30 minutes...

Unfortunately for Johnny it was impossible to enter the house without talking to his mother which was both worried about the absence of her son but also somewhat happy since: “the little sissy boy was finally out of the house”.

'Hello, mother!', said Johnny with the voice of a weakling. He thought that if he pretended to be somewhat sick his mother would be a little nicer to him. False!

'Where have you been, you fucking lazy piece of crap? Did you forget who is paying for your college education, you dumb fuck!', said the loving woman who gave birth to the main character of this story.

Johnny didn't know how to respond to similar attitude, although his usual strategy was to simply say: 'Fuck you, mom!' and go watch porn in his room to which his parents used to refer as “The Den Of The Chronic Masturbator”. Luckily for Little J they were mostly doing it behind his back.

This time was different – Molly was with him and he didn't want to sound like a dick in front of her.

When Little J's mom saw that her son was actually with a girl she felt somewhat ashamed of her words but decided to continue in the same gangsta rap lyrics like style:

'Who's the whore with you? There's no place for sluts in this house.' {the mother}

'Please, mother let us in. We just have a little work to do on the computer and she will be gone.' {Johnny}

'So, she really is a whore.', replied Little J's mother while experiencing profound internal satisfaction that she was finally able to use Hollywood lines when communicating with her son.

Molly had a history of suffering caused by her obsessive mother and knew exactly how Johnny was feeling. That's why she decided to do the most rational thing a person does in similar situation. She pulled out the M-16 rifle she took from Antonio's house and said:

'Listen to your son and let us in.'

The mother didn't know how to react and so did Little J. He wasn't sure for how long he was going to live in the house of his parents but judging by the current situation his time was over.

Molly tied Johnny and his mother {she was getting pretty good at that} and went upstairs to check the video recorded by the spy camera hidden in the teddy bear. She wanted to be the first one to see what was on the tape. Everything was looking just as expected – drugs, whores, steroids – when something interested happened. Christian T, the guy to which she sold anabolic steroids, had a 10 minute tête-à-tête conversation with Antonio Montana during which men exchanged some kind of a map.

'What's on that map?' {Molly}

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: New Clothes

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After Molly presented the situation to Little J and California Muscle they had no choice but to agree with her proposal since their ultimate goal was to put Antonio Montana behinds bars. Before starting to work on a strategy something else had to be done first.

'You both look like garbage bags. When was the last time you've showered?', said Molly who did not try to hide her disgust.

'We were too busy protecting ourselves from gunfire and fists. Sorry, we had no time to buy suits.', answered California Muscle while Little J was preparing to show her the middle finger but did not.

'Time to go shopping then.' {Molly}

The town was quite famous with its futuristic male clothing stores from the chain: “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. Those were clothing shops specifically dedicated to make men look bigger and more muscular than they were. However, everything there was very expensive and only a few could afford to put on the magic clothes. Needless to say, California Muscle and Little J were not part of the chosen ones. Despite all that this exactly where Molly took them.

'Please, tell me you are joking. I am not stealing anything from here.', said California Muscle after they were in one of the stores.

'Don't worry, silly! We have plenty of cash to afford a few suits! I sold your steroids and growth hormone.' {Molly}. When California Muscle heard that his steroids and the ones of his father, CT Flat Brain, were sold, most likely for cheap change, he was quite close to killing a few people around him. Thankfully, he was able to hold his nerves back and just squeezed the hand of Molly real hard. 'Aw. Stop that.', she said.

After about 1 hour of selection Johnny and Cali were now dressed in suits from the latest product line of “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. It was an amazing first hand experience.

'It's so soft. I feel like I can live here forever.', said Johnny while checking himself in the mirror and trying to look real gangsta. On the other hand California Muscle was not so happy with his suit since everything was too tight for him and he was quite disappointed. 'Make it look bigger my ass.', he said.

Image credit: www.halloweenplayground.com 
Molly already haa a suit prepared for the mission.

'Don't complain like a little boy. Nobody makes clothes for steroid loaded bodybuilders. It's the CrossFit look that's is fashionable right now.', said Molly while checking her Facebook account on her phone.

Once the clothes shopping was done it was time to buy proper weaponry because you just don't go break in the house of a steroid/growth hormone kingpin without some real force. Since real guns were too expensive and potentially dangerous Molly decided to offer a different solution – big water guns and professional slingshots as a secondary weapon of choice. There was one modification though – the water guns had to be filled with cat urine. {the smell could kill an elephant}. By about 6 p.m. Molly, Cali and Little J were ready with everything and it was time for some action.

'Are were really doing this.', said Johnny.

'Yes, were are.', replied Molly and Cali in one voice. They though it was cute and started laughing.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: The Golden Picture

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The tree house was now secure and Little J and California Muscle have obtained the perfect position to take a million dollar picture. The camera they “bought” from the pawn shop was so powerful that shooting photos from a few miles was a not problem. It was about 6 p.m. and the deal was usually happening about 7 p.m. or right after Antonio Montana's arm workout. Cali and Johnny decided to experiment with their equipment while they were waiting. Johnny opened the box of the powerful camera and started assembling it. After a few minutes he was done: 'Let's test it!', he said.

The equipment was so big that in some positions it required more than one pair of hands or at least a tripod. Johnny pointed it towards the building in front and looked through the viewer. The landscape surpassed his expectations. The lenses and optical zoom of the machine were so good that viewing objects located in the center of the town was not a problem. Johnny decided to check how the room of Antonio Montana looked through those majestic binoculars. What he saw was unexpected, to say the least. Molly was there.

'Isn't that Molly?', said Little J to California Muscle who was checking whether the nuns have forgotten some of their weed and cigarettes. There was none.

'Are you kidding me? Let me see! ', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying:

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'Are you kidding me? Let me see!', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying. It was really Molly, even though her hair was a different color. She was dressed in a nice red dress and strangely enough was holding a teddy bear which she carefully placed on the desk of Antonio Montana and left. The teddy was obviously a hidden camera but California Muscle needed more than the average time to realize it.

How did Molly get there before them and why was she in Antonio's room in the first place seemed were questions troubling Cali's mind. However, there was not much time left to think because it was already time for deal. After 10 minutes Antonio Montana entered the crime scene. He was holding a huge instrument case. There were also three men next to him and each of them was carrying a briefcase.

One of them was Christian T. He was the shortest one and was also bald due to constantly injecting himself with powerful anabolic steroids. Antonio opened the case – it was full of illegal growth hormone imported from Mexico.

'U mirin' brahs?*', said Antonio to the buyers. After seeing the drugs the three men next to him opened their briefcases – they were all full of “Benjamins.” At that point one could literally observe Antonio Montana shape shift into a greedy reptile.

'Got you bastards', said California Muscle while taking golden pictures with the powerful camera. One of the steps that was going to make California Muscle And Johnny J free of all charges was already complete, or so did they thought.

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*'U mirin' brahs' - slang for 'Do you admire what you see, brothers?'

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The Truth About Christian Thibaudeau

Christian Thibaudeau is one of the many guys out there who are starting to accumulate very bad karma because of the hundreads of lies they sell to poort teenagers. Guys like him have basically selling their soul to the supplement devil. He is a drug addict and is using all kinds of anabolic steroids. Thibs is one of those "natural guys" who respond so bad to steroids that they need to claim natural. Of course he also has be small enough to keep fools believing he is natural so that T-Nation can sell overpriced urine and fart a.k.a supplements.

Christian Thibaudeau is 5'9 (probably more like 5'7.2 but since he has Napoleon complex he claims 5'9) and his body weight is 200 lbs at 5% BF. The famous bodybuilder Frank Zane was 5'9 and 185 pounds. He was Mr. Olympia three times. So, Mr. Natural has 15 pounds of LBM on Frank Zane and still claims "natural". Makes perfect sense. Mr. Christian Thibaudeau likes to inform everybody that he cannot take steroids due to heart problems. At the same time he is as big as many well known "juicers".

If you want to know how much stuff Christian Thibaudeau is taking watch this video of Bostin Loyd. Christian Thibaudeau uses about the same amount, give or take...

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

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