Johnny
knew he was fat as hell because of all the milk he drank as recommended by
Coach Phat Toe. There was no point denying the obvious. His rear got
so big that even the pants of his dad were small for his monstrous
gluteus maximus.
'Fuck you, Phat Toe! You stupid fucktard!', said Little J while desperately trying to get into the biggest pair of pants he found.
Johnny
was really angry at Coach Phat Toe but he was even angrier at himself
for getting further away from his goal to get the physique that was
going to get him all the girls. Little J decided that from now on he
was only going to listen to people who have already accomplished his
goal instead of paying attention to the “wannabes.”
'I am going to get in shape and girls will be 'miring¹', screamed Johnny.
The
young man opened the fridge. There were about 8 bottles of milk he
was supposed to drink today as part of the eating regimen recommended
by Coach Phat Toe. Little J was a naive young man but he was not easy
to con when it came down to business. While most spoiled kids would
have thrown all that milk in the garbage Johnny decided to sell it.
He removed the old labels and used the super computer of his dad to
print new ones that were saying:
Muscle
Milk For Mama's Man: Get Stronger Now!
Johnny
even placed an image of a bodybuilder in posing trunks on the label.
The finished product looked very professional. In about an hour
Little J was already in front of Crap Is Golden Gym.
Johnny was screaming:
'Save a kitten! Buy Muscle Milk for Mama's Man!'
Unfortunately, nobody seemed interested in the product of Johnny because it looked just like regular milk. Why would anybody buy regular milk from Johnny for twice the price? This is when Little J came up with an exceptional idea. He went to the closest supermarket and bought the biggest box of liquid chocolate he could found. Then he went back home where he carefully inserted equal amounts of liquid chocolate in all 8 bottles of milk. He shook each bottle for about 5 minutes. The end results were amazing and Muscle Milk For Mama's Man looked very exotic and had that “What the hell is this?” look to it.
The
next day Little J. took his new creation back to Crap Is Golden Gym.
This time however he decided to first do a little cardio before going
outside to sell his new production. Johnny was already 10 minutes
deep into his run on the treadmill when suddenly he heard a female
voice:
'Give
me something to drink! I am dying here!'
'Thank
you!', said the CrossFit girl.
Suddenly,
almost from nowhere, a big man arrived to the scene of the accident
and asked:
'How
are you baby? What happened? I was in the locker room sharing
supplement powders with the boys.', said the big man and kissed the
CrossFit girl.
'Honey,
I am so happy you are here. I was really thirsty and almost passed
out but thanks to this young man I feel fine. He gave me a great
drink', said the girl with the most spoiled voice in the world and
pointed towards Johnny who was holding the bottle of Muscle Milk For
Mama's Man. The big man impolitely took the bottle from the hands of
Little J and started reading the label. After about 40 seconds he
said:
'If
my girl turns into the Hulk because of your elixir I am going to
break you in half and donate your fat cells to a sumo wrestler. Do
you get it? Tell me you get it!'
This
is when the CrossFit girl stopped him and said:
'Honey,
leave him alone! He saved me. Let's go shopping!'
Then
the couple headed towards the exit while Johnny couldn't take his
eyes off the CrossFit girl.
¹ 'miring
- short for admiring: i.e. you mirin son?
² CrossFit
- CrossFit is the
principal strength and conditioning program for many police academies
and tactical operations teams, military special operations units,
champion martial artists, and hundreds of other elite and
professional athletes worldwide.
