Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Old Friend

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Molly was right in front of the hospital where she once left California Muscle for repair. After a short moment of hesitation she entered the building and started climbing the stairs on the way to the room of Cali. She hated hospitals because they reminded her how weak humans were after all and that life was a dead end street. Like most people she didn't like that feeling and tried to avoid such places as much as possible. To this day she never understood why anybody would want to be a doctor but she was glad that there were people that stupid.

'Hello, Cali! How is my big boy doing?', said Molly standing at the door of the room. Cali Muscle did not hear anything because he was sleeping and dreaming. That's why Molly had to wake him up.

'Wake up you big pile of steroids.', said Molly.

'Hey, I heard that.' {Cali}

'Damn, you not only look bad but you also sound bad.' {Molly}

'Fuck you bitch. Why are you here in the first place? Didn't you get what you wanted?' {Cali}

'No, big fat panda! The file was corrupt.'

'Damn, files these days...back in my day stuff like that never happened.' {Cali}

'Look, we have a job.', said Molly and explained about the map and golden the monument.

'Damn, I knew that the motherfucker holding his dick at the top of that building was special.' {Cali}

'What do you think is in it?' {Molly}

'I don't know.', but whatever it is better make me rich as hell when we steal it.', said California Muscle and started dreaming. Unfortunately for him it was a short one. The steps of men running down the hall were heard and Molly decided to see what is it all about – the people of Antonio Montana. They were coming back for her.

'Come on, we gotta run.'

'Bitch, I am in a hospital bed. What are you talking about?'

'Unless you you get up right now and start running you will remain in one for a much longer time.'

California Muscle got out of bed. It was a painful thing to do but he didn't scream because he didn't want to look like a big pussy in front of Molly which was a super tough girl in his eyes. They started walking fast towards the opposite exit down the end of the hall.

'Here they are.', said one of the bad guys – the fatter one. He was also bald but had a good jaw structure and women liked him and/or his big wallet. He was not a good fucker, however. Nobody is a good fucker anyway.

Molly acted on impulse and got the M-16 rifle out of her bag. Everybody in the hospital looked cured – the patients started screaming and running all over the place. Jesus wouldn't be able to cause such sensation if he was to appear at that point.

Molly and California Muscle were soon in the car. They were going to get Johnny.

To be continue...

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World:The Treasure

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After the unpleasant experience Molly had with Christian T she decided to go to the local park and calm her down. She sat on a bench and for about 1 hour just looked at the fountain in front of her. Finally, she decided to examine the map she took from Chris-T. It was an extremely detailed chart presenting different drug zones – not only steroids but also narcotics such as cocaine and ironically ecstasy (Molly is slang for ecstasy).

The information in the hands of Molly was great but she didn't know what to do with it. The police department in the town was too corrupt and she was hired by IronGangsta.com after all. Being a bad girl who likes to watch a lot of TV Series such as White Collar Molly decided to play detective and pulled out her UV detector in order to check for hidden signs. Everything was looking pretty normal and the inspection was about to end when the lamp passed over the center the map. There were some kind of numbers resembling coordinates - 30°51′39″N 100°35′54″W.

Luckily Molly had one of those fancy phones that people were calling smart and entered the data into Google Earth. According to the Big Brother the location was somewhere in this very town. To be precise the coordinates were pointing to some kind of old monument in the center of the town. It was just a few blocks away and Molly decided to examine it in order to see what was so special about it.

The monument was weird to say the least. It represented a Golden Men Masturbating on a building. It was a wild thing although locals were pretty accustomed to it. But why would that monument be of any interest to Christian T and Antonio Montana. What was so special about that dude?

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'This is the bitch. Take her.', said somebody.

The voice came behind Molly's back and she turned to see what was going on. Two guys who were incredibly similar to the guards of Antonio Montana were just 10 or 15 steps away from her. They were the perfect definition of armed and dangerous and looked like two hungry and angry pitbulls who haven't eaten for 2 days to a year. Normally, Molly was going to stay for the fun but decided to test the record of Usain Bolt. After all her father used to say that running was the best form of self-defense.

Molly started running.

'Hey, bitch! Stop or we will shoot.”

Molly had a M-16 rifle in her bag but there were too many civilians and she was not the most precise shooter in the world. In fact, she sucked, but don't tell anyone. The former waitress reached one of the main streets and approached the first car parked at the side of the road.

'Hey, sexy how you doing?', said the driver.

'Very nice.', answered Molly and punched him in the face. He was knocked out, cold.

Molly moved the driver to the front passenger seat and started the car.

She was gone but new very well that time was not on her side. Molly decided to organize one more meeting of the old crew.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Don't Fuck With ME

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It was 8.am. and Christian T. was already in front of Gay Nation. The office of the company was located at the center of the town and was actually pretty great unlike the products of the firm. Gay Nation was in the so-called supplement business or in other words the business where you exchange nothing for something. It was working pretty well and Christian T. and his friends were making a killing from ignorant teenagers who believed that protein powders and creatine were the way to go. In the meanwhile the whole staff of Gay Nation was injecting hormones in order to get swoll.

Molly was yet to come and Christian T was getting nervous. He started singing some retro songs and ironically one of them was Money by Abba.

'Nice voice.', said Molly from the back.

'Oh. I didn't see you. Let's go inside.'

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Of course Christian T. didn't go with Molly in the main part of the office. He decided to use the warehouse where all the powders were stored. He opened his briefcase and his hands were shaking a little bit. He took some kind of a map out of it. It this was not an ordinary map. There were weird symbols like needles and bottles on it. It seems that this was a map that the steroid mob made to separate the different drug zones. It was actually well made and in the middle there was a giant needle.

'How do you know I am not a cop.', asked Molly.

'I checked your history. You worked as a waitress for 6 years. You ain't a cop.'

'Is that so, give me the map and your wife will never found about your addiction.'

'Lol. Not so easy tiger. I will give you the map but you have to give me something more.', said Christian T who obviously wanted to fuck Molly. He grabbed her with his powerful arms and kissed her. His breath was awful and there were rats that smelled better. Molly pushed him and tried to get the map but the fucker was strong. Just this morning he injected 1 000 mg of testosterone – a dose many would consider deadly. For him this was regular stuff.

Chris T. pulled his pants down and said: “Suck my dick, you whore”. His dick was small. In fact small was an understatement. His dick was so tiny that he could win the Small Dick World Cup. Molly was scared but she has been in similar position many times before and had a plan that always worked.

Molly decided to play along and lowered herself right in front of Christian T's genitals.

'Oh, yeah baby. Go for it.', said Christian T who was dreaming of this moment ever since he met Molly.

Molly grabbed the dick of Christian T. She needed only two fingers because it was that small. The waitress was about to put it in her mouth or at least it looked like it. The blonde, however, was prepared for similar scenarios and had a a secret weapon – a ring knife from her grandmother.

Molly pulled out the blades of the ring and cut Christian T's cock in two pieces. Initially Chris thought that Molly tried to bite him or something but just a few seconds later he saw the bloody mess as well as the fact that his male pride was reduced by 50%.

'You fucking bitch.'

Molly punched him in the face and ran with his whole briefcase leaving him dickless and bleeding in the warehouse surrounded by creatine and protein powder bottles.

To be continue...

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Show Me The Money

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This time Molly decided to play the “tough girl card.”

'Let's bench press.', {Molly}

'Hm...sure.', replied Johnny with a very nervous voice. The reason was that he was afraid Molly may be stronger than him and push more weight. It's the worse that can happen to your self-esteem – being outbenched by a girl.

Molly and Johnny approached the bench press station right next to Christian T and started warming-up. Up to about 135lbs Molly was feeling pretty strong, however, after the weight got up to 150lbs she started doing partial repetitions in order to save her strength. Johnny saw that and said:

'You need to let the barbell touch your chest and the push the weight back up.'

'Fuck you and and put 225lbs on the bar.' {Molly – she had a plan}

Johnny knew very well that 225lbs was a weight Molly would never be able to press up but he had “enough of this bitch” and decided to play along. 225lbs or 4 plates were loaded on the bar. Molly grabbed the weight – her arms were shaking like sausages. This is never a good sign when you are bench pressing. She lowered the weight all the way to her chest and tried to push-up: 'Uh........'. She failed and asked Johnny for help but the weight was too heavy even for him. This is when her bald savior Christian T a.k.a The Anaconda Man came to save her. He took the 225lbs barbell and performed a bicep curl. Molly was free. {little did he know that it was all part of her plan}.

'Are you trying to kill yourself? Your spotter is pure shit.' {Christian T.}

'It's all good. Usually I rep this weight but I had a very rough couple of days and obviously my recovery is not up to par. How is the juice that you bought from me? Is it delicious?', said Molly while scratching her calves.

'Ah...the juice. It's perfect.' {Christian T}

'What juice? Are you taking steroids again?', said the wife of Christian T {the couple was training together}

'Of course not, honey. You know I have health problems and can't take that shit.', lied Christian T. a.k.a. The Anaconda Man.

'I hope you are telling the truth. Let's go to the pec deck machine and pump your pecs.' {Christian T's wife/husband}

'Just a moment, honey. Start without me. I want to make sure that this lady is ok.', replied Christian T who almost shit the bed this time. He knew very well that his wife was going to kick him out if she found out that he was lying about his heart problems and was taking all the steroids known to man kind.

'I see what you did right there. S-E-X-Y. Your wife doesn't know about your addiction to hormones.', said Molly while touching her right tit pretending that it was hurting because of the bench pressing she did. Then Molly told Johhny to buy her a protein shake to calm her down after such an intense bench press session.

Once Christian T and Molly were alone they started talking:

'Shut up. She can't know about any of this, if I want to live.' {the Anaconda Man}

'What will daddy do to make me shut up.' {Molly}

'What do you want?'

'Tell me about that map you exchanged with Antonio you fucktard or I am going to tell your wife that you are not only using steroids but also fucking other women on daily basis.', said Molly.

'Ok. I will tell you all about it. Meet me tomorrow morning at the office. I work for Gay-Nation. Here's my card.'

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Bad Bitch or Genius?

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Johnny was starting to think that Molly was one of the most cold-blooded bitches he was ever going to meet. She stabbed him in the back once and by the looks of it she did it again by leaving him tied to the bed next to his mother who was screaming like a crazy person.

He was right. Molly was truly a cold-blooded reptilian like bitch and a back stabber. She was a true and complete representative of the Scorpio zodiac sign – back bitter and a slut {or simply a bitch}. With all that being said she needed Johnny to find the map which Christian T and Antonio Montana exchanged. That's why she came back to take Johnny. Once Molly untied Little J and his mother the latter slapped her in the face and said: '

'Back in my day women were women and did not need M-16 rifles to prove a point.'

Little J's mother was a former wrestler and wasn't afraid to fight. She grabbed the latest issue of 'Flex Your Dick Muscle Magazine' {Little J's favorite read since starting bodybuilding} and began to beat furiously both Molly and Johnny.

'I never want to see you again. Take your little sadomasochistic whore with you and never come back.', added the angry mother and pushed them outside.

'Damn, your mother really loves you.' {Molly}

'Why the hell did you do all that bullshit and what was on the video, blondie?', said Little J while trying to act real tough only to fail miserably. Molly was never going to be intimidated by such pathetic attempts.

'The video was corrupted and I couldn't see anything. We are still in the hole.' {Molly}

'Are you fucking kidding me? We need that video in order to finally get our lives back.', said Little J and started walking in a small circle in order to calm himself down. That was his trick.

'I have an idea. Why don't we go train a little bit. I think you've skipped plenty of workouts already. When was the was time you trained your arms. They look smaller.', said Molly who knew very well that those words put a grenade in Johnny's soul. When you are a seriously addicted bodybuilder missing workouts is never an option but when somebody could actually see you getting smaller before his eyes was the worst.

'You are right. I am getting smaller but where are we going to find a gym. They will kill me if I show at Crap Is Golden Gym.', said Johnny sounding like a newborn baby.

'How about Homo Planet Gym?', offered Molly while being complete aware that this was the place where Christian T was usually training. She wanted to get some information out of him regarding the map.

'Are you serious? I thought that was a gay gym, like gay bars.', said Johnny.

'It's only gay if you want it to be gay.', replied Molly and started the car she stole from Antonio Montana.

'Let's hit the weights then.'

After 24.5 minutes Molly and Little J were already approaching Homo Planet Gym.

'We have to stop here and hide the car. Somebody can recognize it belongs to Antonio Montana.', said Molly. There was a nice supermarket nearby and it seemed like the perfect place to leave the monster on wheels. Johnny even bought a protein waffle from the stoe{he was that ignorant!} because the ones in the gyms were grossly overpriced.

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Once the “couple” was in Homo Planet Gym Molly started looking around for Christian T. Initially she failed to see him but on her second attempt she spotted him – he was bench pressing, like always. This time however seducing him was going to be harder than last time. He wasn't alone – his wife was training with him. She was a bodybuilder as well. The fact that she had small boobs and was ugly as hell was on Molly's side but she was his wife and seducing someone with his women present in the same room next to him was considered the ultimate test for every slut.

Challenge accepted!

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Business As Usual

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Molly and Little J were headed straight to home of the latter. He lived with his parents in a small apartment at the end of the town. That's why the ride took a little longer than expected and Molly had to stop at a gas station in order to, as Dr. Dre would say, “put some gas in that motherfucker”.

While she was graciously loading the car with fuel Johnny saw an employee of Crap Is Golden Gym spreading some kind of posters – Little J and California Muscle were wanted. This wasn't a big surprise since this town was pretty crazy in the first place and by the looks of it was also living according to the laws in the 19^th century.

After 30 minutes...

Unfortunately for Johnny it was impossible to enter the house without talking to his mother which was both worried about the absence of her son but also somewhat happy since: “the little sissy boy was finally out of the house”.

'Hello, mother!', said Johnny with the voice of a weakling. He thought that if he pretended to be somewhat sick his mother would be a little nicer to him. False!

'Where have you been, you fucking lazy piece of crap? Did you forget who is paying for your college education, you dumb fuck!', said the loving woman who gave birth to the main character of this story.

Johnny didn't know how to respond to similar attitude, although his usual strategy was to simply say: 'Fuck you, mom!' and go watch porn in his room to which his parents used to refer as “The Den Of The Chronic Masturbator”. Luckily for Little J they were mostly doing it behind his back.

This time was different – Molly was with him and he didn't want to sound like a dick in front of her.

When Little J's mom saw that her son was actually with a girl she felt somewhat ashamed of her words but decided to continue in the same gangsta rap lyrics like style:

'Who's the whore with you? There's no place for sluts in this house.' {the mother}

'Please, mother let us in. We just have a little work to do on the computer and she will be gone.' {Johnny}

'So, she really is a whore.', replied Little J's mother while experiencing profound internal satisfaction that she was finally able to use Hollywood lines when communicating with her son.

Molly had a history of suffering caused by her obsessive mother and knew exactly how Johnny was feeling. That's why she decided to do the most rational thing a person does in similar situation. She pulled out the M-16 rifle she took from Antonio's house and said:

'Listen to your son and let us in.'

The mother didn't know how to react and so did Little J. He wasn't sure for how long he was going to live in the house of his parents but judging by the current situation his time was over.

Molly tied Johnny and his mother {she was getting pretty good at that} and went upstairs to check the video recorded by the spy camera hidden in the teddy bear. She wanted to be the first one to see what was on the tape. Everything was looking just as expected – drugs, whores, steroids – when something interested happened. Christian T, the guy to which she sold anabolic steroids, had a 10 minute tête-à-tête conversation with Antonio Montana during which men exchanged some kind of a map.

'What's on that map?' {Molly}

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Hospitals Are Not For Pussies

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California Muscle was beaten up pretty bad. His whole face was covered in blood and the observations of Little J were clear - his mentor was missing two of his frontal teeth. It wasn't looking good, to say the least. Luckily, nobody shot him and it was safe to go to the hospital since there was no bullet to report.

34 minutes later...

The doctor looked at Molly and said:

'So, you are telling me that all of this happened when he went to throw the garbage and fall because his shoelaces were not tied enough?'

'You got it right, doc.'

Molly was a good liar but the doctor was not that stupid. His name was Alan Unicorn and had a few PhDs, one of which was in bodybuilding nutrition – yes there is such thing as PhD in bodybuilding nutrition. It is 2014 – grow up!

'Fuck it. You are paying me in cash anyway. I don't care.', said Alan Unicorn whose breath was smelling like shit mixed with mentos. After about 3 hours California Muscle was glued back to life and was left to rest. According to the doctor the biggest problem was his liver which has taken a severe beating and was not very healthy in the first place due to Cali's addiction to anabolic steroids.

'Big daddy is stabilized but his liver is in very bad shape. Unless he gives up steroids and eats healthy he will need a transplant in 6 months to a year.', reported Alan Unicorn while keeping his general “I don't give a fuck” attitude and ton.

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'Are you kidding me? If his arms get below 18 inches he may commit suicide.', said Little J who has measured the arms of his trainer about 24 times. They were 20.19 inches cold and 21.5 inches pumped.

'Look, little tit! I couldn't care less about his arms. Get a life.', said the doctor and went outside for a smoke and to flirt with one of the nurses.

California Muscle needed rest, lots of it. Molly and Little J had to try complete the mission without muscle mass to back them up. It wasn't going to be easy, mainly due to the fact that Johnny didn't know how to behave around beautiful women. Actually he didn't know how to act around any kind of women – short, fat, slim, hairy, bald...

'Let's go puppy!', said Molly and started dragging Johnny.

'Hey, my name is Johnny and I am not your puppy.' {Johnny}

'I think puppy suits you better. We have to see what's on that spy camera. Do you have a computer at home? Puppy!' {Molly}

'Yes, I do, but don't call me puppy, please...' {Johnny while trying not to look at Molly}

'Tell someone who cares. Puppy!' {Molly}

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Time For Some Action

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The guns were loaded with cat urine. The slingshots were in their pockets and Molly was hotter than ever. The plan was simple.

Molly entered the house of Antonio Montana - dressed sexy as hell, as usually.

'Hello gentlemen! Is Tony home?', said Molly with a slow and seductive voice. One of the guards made a phone call in order to see whether Montana was accepting visitors or not. It turned out that for Molly he was willing to make an exception – after all even steroid drug dealers are not made out of iron.

'He is waiting for you upstairs.', said to Molly the taller guard while the other one continued to watch an old black and white film from the 40's while cleaning a M16 rifle.

The house of Antonio Montana was built like a fortress. There were cameras everywhere except for his room where all the business was happening. It was a request made by his clients who didn't want somebody recording them on tape during deals.

'Hello Molly! What brings you back here?', said Antonio Montana at the door while moving one of his legs forward in order to hide his b-o-n-e-r.

'Just decided top stop by and see how you are doing. Is this a crime?', whispered Molly into his ear and closed the door. At that point she kissed him while calling Johnny using a cellphone hidden in her left pocket. {Johnny was on speed dial.}. Antonio Montana and Molly were happily making out when somebody started breaking the windows of the building using - this was Johnny and his slingshot. Antonio Montana thought he was under gunfire, pushed Molly away and told her to lay down while he started shooting back even though he couldn't see the enemy.

At about that time California Muscle jumped out of nowhere, dressed like a total gangster, and started spraying cat urine all over the guards of Antono Montana who quite honestly though the was insane and using guns against a mad man was a waste of ammo.

Once the “gunfire” was over Antonio went to see what was happening down stairs since security was not responding. He instructed Molly to stay in his room because there was a possibility that the guards were dead. {The truth for their disobedience was actually the amount of cat urine in their radio stations.} Molly was a very good actress - she shaking and crying the whole time. As soon as Montana was out of the room she took the teddy bear spy camera and put it in her purse. The mission was almost complete. It was time to escape.

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Molly went downstairs while thinking that it all worked out like a well directed play only to see that the guards of Antonio Montana were beating California Muscle quite heavily. There was blood all over the place and by the looks of it he was unconscious. As always, somebody had to pay the price and this time it was him. At this point Molly knew she was fucked since letting Cali in the hands of Antonio Montana was like being accessory to murder. Molly had no choice but to go all in. She took a M16 rifle, left at some old desk from the 16^th century, and shoot one of the guards in the knee.

'Bitch!', he said.

She shoot him in the other knee. This is when the other guard and Antonio knew the girl was not joking - Montana was looking at her like a ghost. {he still had a b-o-n-er}. Molly told them to tie themselves to the wall and covered their faces with their jackets – she didn't want them to see how Johnny looks but she needed his help to move the body of California Muscle out.

Once Little J arrived the first thing he noticed was actually not the blood but the insane smell of cat urine all over the place. After a consistent effort Molly and Johnny were able to put Cali in one of Antonio's trucks. They headed straight to the hospital.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: New Clothes

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After Molly presented the situation to Little J and California Muscle they had no choice but to agree with her proposal since their ultimate goal was to put Antonio Montana behinds bars. Before starting to work on a strategy something else had to be done first.

'You both look like garbage bags. When was the last time you've showered?', said Molly who did not try to hide her disgust.

'We were too busy protecting ourselves from gunfire and fists. Sorry, we had no time to buy suits.', answered California Muscle while Little J was preparing to show her the middle finger but did not.

'Time to go shopping then.' {Molly}

The town was quite famous with its futuristic male clothing stores from the chain: “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. Those were clothing shops specifically dedicated to make men look bigger and more muscular than they were. However, everything there was very expensive and only a few could afford to put on the magic clothes. Needless to say, California Muscle and Little J were not part of the chosen ones. Despite all that this exactly where Molly took them.

'Please, tell me you are joking. I am not stealing anything from here.', said California Muscle after they were in one of the stores.

'Don't worry, silly! We have plenty of cash to afford a few suits! I sold your steroids and growth hormone.' {Molly}. When California Muscle heard that his steroids and the ones of his father, CT Flat Brain, were sold, most likely for cheap change, he was quite close to killing a few people around him. Thankfully, he was able to hold his nerves back and just squeezed the hand of Molly real hard. 'Aw. Stop that.', she said.

After about 1 hour of selection Johnny and Cali were now dressed in suits from the latest product line of “Make It Look Bigger, Please!”. It was an amazing first hand experience.

'It's so soft. I feel like I can live here forever.', said Johnny while checking himself in the mirror and trying to look real gangsta. On the other hand California Muscle was not so happy with his suit since everything was too tight for him and he was quite disappointed. 'Make it look bigger my ass.', he said.

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Molly already haa a suit prepared for the mission.

'Don't complain like a little boy. Nobody makes clothes for steroid loaded bodybuilders. It's the CrossFit look that's is fashionable right now.', said Molly while checking her Facebook account on her phone.

Once the clothes shopping was done it was time to buy proper weaponry because you just don't go break in the house of a steroid/growth hormone kingpin without some real force. Since real guns were too expensive and potentially dangerous Molly decided to offer a different solution – big water guns and professional slingshots as a secondary weapon of choice. There was one modification though – the water guns had to be filled with cat urine. {the smell could kill an elephant}. By about 6 p.m. Molly, Cali and Little J were ready with everything and it was time for some action.

'Are were really doing this.', said Johnny.

'Yes, were are.', replied Molly and Cali in one voice. They though it was cute and started laughing.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Devil in a Red Dress

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California Muscle and Little J were now in a jail cell for assault of a police officer. Their position was getting more and more uncomfortable and their leverage weaker and weaker.

'It's your fault, you dumb fuck!”, said Cali.

“Why me?”, answered Johnny.

“Because you are the one who dropped the barbell in the first place. Stupid skinny...”

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”, said Little J and even tried to punch California Muscle but in the middle of the hit his brain restarted and he stopped with the hand in the air. Cali looked at him, angry as hell, and sat on the bench. After a few hours of silence Johnny said:

'Look man, I am sorry. We have to work together in order to get out of this situation.'

'How? We can't even pay our bail! It's USD 2 000! We are going to stay here for a long, long time!'

'Ding Ding' {someone knocked on the metal prison cell}

It was Molly.

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'Let's go guy! I need your help.', said the devil in red dress. Everything about her was screaming S-E-X. It turns out that Molly has paid the bail of the muscle duo but like everything in life there was a catch. On their way out of the police station Johnny pointed a middle finger at the police officer Lyle McDonald's and said “Fuck you!” by just moving his lips and not making any sound. Once outside Cali started talking:

'Bitch, we want our money, drugs and IDs back.'

'Easy, muscle boy. There is time and place for everything. Remember I was the one who got you out of the little bird cage.'

'Yes, but that's the least you could do after screwing us over.', said Johnny who seemed awfully happy to use adult language.

'Shut up. Puppy boy! What is the real reason you came back, Molly?', said Cali Muscle.

'The truth is I need your help with an investigation against Antonio Montana. I am not who you think I am.'

'Who are you? And we know about the cameras in Antonio's house.' {California Muscle}

'I am a private investigator and was hired by the private organization IronGangsta.com to find evidence against Antonio Montana. That's why I planted the spy cameras in his room. Photos seemed to be an insufficient proof. I need to go back and the spy cameras but I can't do it on my own.', explained Molly.

'What do you need us for? Can't you just do it like the first time?' {Johnny}

'No. The first time I was able to break in after pretending to be interested in dating Antonio Montana. If I meet with him one more time he may expect me to do more than just be a good listener. That's why I need someone to cover me and since you are not in a position to reject offers I decided to use your services', said Molly while putting on red lipstick.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Hello Prison

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California Muscle and Little J nhad concrete evidence that Mr. Antonio Montana was a steroid and growth hormone kingpin drug dealer. Before going to the police the duo decided to return the camera to the pawn shop since it was no longer needed and all the information was stored on the memory card of the device anyway. After receiving their 10 dollars back Cali and Little J decided to get something to eat.

Unfortunately, it's hard to satisfy a bodybuilder with just 10 bucks when it came down to food. Muscle worshipers have notorious eating habits and suffer from different disorders. The most obvious one is that bodybuilders refuse to eat something that is not rich in protein which is the muscle building macro nutrient. The more of it in your diet – the better. It was already 10 p.m. and the only opened placed was an Arabic restaurant selling mostly falafel sandwiches. With 10 dollars one could buy exactly two of those. For Little J and California Muscle this was better than nothing, even though Cali was trying to imagine that he was eating lean chicken breast while chewing his falafels. After the re-load the two men headed straight to the local police department in order to present the fresh evidence they've obtained.

'Hello. We are hear to put a drug kingpin behind bars.', said California Muscle to the first police officers he saw in the station.

'Ha-ha-ha! Nice try!', replied the police officer and continued to list through the Facebook photos of his ex-girlfriend.

'I am dead fucking serious! Stupid trash with a badge!', said California Muscle whose stomach was feeling raped by the recently ingested sandwich. The heartburn was serious.

'Ok. The door at the end of the hall is where you can submit a complain about drug related issues.', answered the police officer who was already feeling depressed by the fact that his former girlfriend has uploaded a selfie of her and a new man. The cop was about to kill himself. By the looks of it suicide by Facebook seemed like a cool way go. 'Maybe I will receive a lot of likes if I post my death wish on my Facebook wall.', was thinking the cop – but that's a whole different story.

California Muscle knocked at the door at the end of the hall.

'Come in.', {girly voice}. The man in question was Detective Lyle McDonald's. He was a skinny fat nerd wearing three million dollar glasses and his room was full of research paper. Lyle was nerd production force at it finest.

'Good evening, sir. We are here to present concrete evidence that Antonio Montana is a drug kingpin. In exchange for the photos we want all charges against us dropped. Otherwise there will be no deal.', said California Muscle while Johnny was scratching his balls through the pocket of his pants hoping that nobody will see what he is doing.

'Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool', said Lyle

'You guys really made my day. Looooooooooooooool'

'Do you really think that pictures showing how a man exchanges bottles for money will stand in court. Come on! My 88-year-old mother knows better than that! Go fuck yourself in the butt and leave me so that I can do my research work.', said McDonald's.

Cali was mad as hell. He grabbed McDonald's by the throat and was about to crush it when a police officer came from the back and teased Cali. Obviously, Lyle McDonald's has pressed the panic button or something like that.

onossocasamento.pt

Cali and Little J were now in a prison cell and freedom has become an even bigger illusion.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: The Golden Picture

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The tree house was now secure and Little J and California Muscle have obtained the perfect position to take a million dollar picture. The camera they “bought” from the pawn shop was so powerful that shooting photos from a few miles was a not problem. It was about 6 p.m. and the deal was usually happening about 7 p.m. or right after Antonio Montana's arm workout. Cali and Johnny decided to experiment with their equipment while they were waiting. Johnny opened the box of the powerful camera and started assembling it. After a few minutes he was done: 'Let's test it!', he said.

The equipment was so big that in some positions it required more than one pair of hands or at least a tripod. Johnny pointed it towards the building in front and looked through the viewer. The landscape surpassed his expectations. The lenses and optical zoom of the machine were so good that viewing objects located in the center of the town was not a problem. Johnny decided to check how the room of Antonio Montana looked through those majestic binoculars. What he saw was unexpected, to say the least. Molly was there.

'Isn't that Molly?', said Little J to California Muscle who was checking whether the nuns have forgotten some of their weed and cigarettes. There was none.

'Are you kidding me? Let me see! ', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying:

http://lanagriffin.blogspot.com/

'Are you kidding me? Let me see!', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying. It was really Molly, even though her hair was a different color. She was dressed in a nice red dress and strangely enough was holding a teddy bear which she carefully placed on the desk of Antonio Montana and left. The teddy was obviously a hidden camera but California Muscle needed more than the average time to realize it.

How did Molly get there before them and why was she in Antonio's room in the first place seemed were questions troubling Cali's mind. However, there was not much time left to think because it was already time for deal. After 10 minutes Antonio Montana entered the crime scene. He was holding a huge instrument case. There were also three men next to him and each of them was carrying a briefcase.

One of them was Christian T. He was the shortest one and was also bald due to constantly injecting himself with powerful anabolic steroids. Antonio opened the case – it was full of illegal growth hormone imported from Mexico.

'U mirin' brahs?*', said Antonio to the buyers. After seeing the drugs the three men next to him opened their briefcases – they were all full of “Benjamins.” At that point one could literally observe Antonio Montana shape shift into a greedy reptile.

'Got you bastards', said California Muscle while taking golden pictures with the powerful camera. One of the steps that was going to make California Muscle And Johnny J free of all charges was already complete, or so did they thought.

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*'U mirin' brahs' - slang for 'Do you admire what you see, brothers?'

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: The Tree House

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After acquiring the necessary equipment for taking distance photos at night Califronia Muscle and Johnny had to find the perfect place to hide and wait for Antonio Montana to make a deal. There were not that many buildings around Crap Is Golden Gym suitable for that job and some kind of improvisation needed to be done. Dressed in their new disguises Cali and Little J were examining the area from all perspectives. Johnny was about to say 'Fuck it. I give up.' before seeing something interesting.

'Look, Tazan's Treehouse!', said Little J and pointed towards some kind of a tree house over the river.

Image credit: http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/

'That's nice. Let's see if there is anybody in it.', said California Muscle and removed his hat.

The tree house seemed like the place where teenagers went to smoke weed and pretended they had more brain cells than they actually had. The smell of marijuana was so strong that California Muscle and Little J were able to feel it when they started climbing.

The tree tower even had windows and none of them were broken which was a sign that the place was maintained on regular basis. California Muscle and Little J slowly approached the entrance when Cali whispered: 'Watch out! and made Little J lay down. 'There's somebody there', added California Muscle. Little J was the one who had to look up the window in order to see what's going on because California Muscle had crazy “afro” and putting on his hat required serious time. His hair was just full blown:

http://my.opera.com/

Even though Little J was scared, what happened over the last couple of days gave him more than a few chances to surprise himself. He moved to the left a little bit and looked through the corner of the window. What he saw that day could never be unseen. Never. It was a little something like this:

Image credit: http://cheezburger.com/

'There are some nuns getting wasted.', reported Little J and placed his hand on the heart as a sign that he was telling the truth. It was not enough for California Muscle and despite the risk of being seen he also looked through the window – Little J was telling the truth. The world was going crazy.

'We have to make the bitches go away! We need that tree house!', said California Muscle. Little J had a brilliant idea.

'Go down and start shaking the tree.', said Little J and pointed towards the ladder.

'What? Are you crazy?' replied California Muscle and did a crazy face himself.

'Trust me. I know what I am doing.', said Little J. California Muscle decided to ignore his inner feeling and decided to follow the plan of Johnny. Once he was at the base of the tree the muscular man started shaking it with his powerful arms. At the same time Little J was looking through the corner of the window. At some point the movement of the tree started to get more noticeable and the nuns started talking: 'What is going on? Is this an earthquake.' At about that point Little J placed his hands in front of his mouth and started screaming with somewhat sophisticated pronunciation:

'Jesus is watching! Jesus knows. He will punish you for your sins!

The nuns though it was the weed talking and started screaming. The sounds were awful and resembled a pig horn or something. After a few minutes the women were exiting the house one by one. They were so affected that on the way out they did not even see Little J. This is how the power duo finally had the perfect place to take the photos they needed so desperately. 

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Lifting The TV

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Johnny and California muscle were on the road once again. The expected duration of the journey was unexpected since the vehicle of choice was a double bike and the engine of fate were the quadriceps and hamstrings of a steroid bodybuilder and a skinny nerd. After about 4 hours of continuous pedaling Little J and California Muscle were about to enter the town. In order not to be recognized they had to change their clothes. Luckily there was cheap 1 dollar store near by. Both men felt like they hit gold. California Muscle decided to use the hat below to cover his identity.

http://www.funny-potato.com/

While Johnny decided to go all the way and bought the following suit only in black.

http://www.revolution-bars.co.uk/

The whole transformation required about 4 dollars. It was worth it, or so did they thought.

Cali and Johnny knew very well that the best way to acquire concrete evidence against Antonio Montana was to take pictures of him during deals with steroids and growth hormone. To tell the truth, California Muscle felt like a dick for doing something like that because for years he has been buying similar goods from illegal sources. In this situation he felt like he had no choice but to fuck them all and save his own ass.

Cali was well informed and knew that deals usually happened at night and at the back of Crap Is Golden gym. That's why he and Johnny had to buy a powerful camera that was able to take nights shots from a distance. They both had no money and nobody was suppose to know they were in town. No that there was chance to recognize them anyway. The only option was to go to a pawn shop.

http://www.billemory.com/

In the pawn shop:

'We need a camera for night shooting.', said California Muscle to the pawbroker and tried to sound as tough as they make them, hoping to be intimidating and lower the price.

'Wait a second. I have exactly what you need.', answered the pawnbroker. After a few minutes she came back with something like this:

http://www.pagog.com/

'Damn, that looks nice.', said California Muscle showing his affinity for big things. 'How much?', he asked.

'600 bucks.', said the pawnbroker.

'We only have 10 bucks. We will give you the rest later.', said California Muscle and tried to take the camera from the hands of the broker.

'No,no,no. No pay, no play.', replied the seller.

'Can't we figure out something under the table.', said California Muscle and winked.

The woman looked him in the eyes, then towards the floor and then to the right.

'Yes, actually. If you help me lift one big TV in the other room I will sell you the camera for 100 bucks and you can pay me later.', said the pawnbroker.

'Sure.', said Cali.

After lifting the TV for 20 minutes California Muscle got out, took the camera and went outside where Johnny was waiting for him.

It was time for some time for some action.

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