Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Johnny Meets California Muscle


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Little J's head was about to explode and he couldn't fall asleep despite knowing that every bodybuilder needs at least 8 hours of sleep in order to recover from a hard workout. "You grow on your rest days" is a famous phrase among fitness enthusiasts who are not willing to sacrifice their muscles for anything. After all, who are you if you don't have big muscles? Will you ever get the girls if you don't have huge musculature? Similar questions were troubling the mind of Johnny as he was trying to drift away. He even got out of bed and did 50 or so push-ups in order to get tired. It helped.

4 hours later...

Johnny was already on the bus and on his way to work. He was sitting alone when a big man perched on the seat next to him. The man was a famous local bodybuilder and his nickname was California Muscle. His shoulders were so broad that Johnny had no choice but to move as closest to the window as possible. Little J's cheek was even touching the cold glass of the window. After about 20 minutes the big man turned to the left and said to Johnny:

'Hey, do you have something to eat? I am missing my anabolic window¹ and my mom did not pack me anything for lunch!', said the huge man.

Initially Johnny did not know what to say but after a few minutes he remembered that he had Muscle Milk For Real Man in his bag. He grabbed a bottle and immediately gave it to passenger next to him. 

'It's all I have, sir. It's really good for muscles!', said Johnny and gave a bottle of the precious substance to California Muscle who looked at the bottle with hesitation but decided to try it because missing your anabolic window was like forgetting to buy a present for you kid's birthday. In other words - impermissible. 

'That's some good shit right there...', said California Muscle and produced one of the largest burps known to man.

All passengers seemed to be quite irritated by the behavior of California Muscle but nobody said anything to him because besides being extremely muscular he was also an ex-convict. Johnny really liked what he saw and made the following conclusion: big muscles make you God amongst men.

'How did you get so big, sir?', said Little J while looking at the muscular forearm of California Muscle like it was the rear of a CrossFit girl.

'I did some time, you know. At that place you either live or you die...only the strongest survive...', said California Muscle with an extremely deep voice.

'Sir, will you help me get as big as you? I really need to develop my musculature and you seem to have the secret.', said Little J. The whole time he was avoiding eye contact with California muscle because he felt ashamed of his size.

'Be in front of Crap Is Golden Gym at 4 a.m. sharp tomorrow morning.', said California Muscle and looked at Little J with the weirdest grimace he could possibly make.

To be continue...

¹anabolic window /from Wikipedia/ - The "metabolic window", or what is also referred to as the “anabolic window”, is considered by gym goers and supplement companies to be a 45-minute opportunistic period to increase muscle size by ingesting carbohydrates and amino acid supplements.

Contrary to this belief, researchers studying the effects of carbohydrates and amino acid supplementation taken various times after a workout found no difference in a 0-3 hour period in the rate of uptake of protein into the muscles or protein balance (Rasmussen et al., 2000). More importantly, Tipton (2001) found that weight lifters may actually benefit with respect to muscle anabolism by taking in carbohydrates and amino acids before working out. This is because weight lifting increases blood flow, which will increase the transportation of amino acids to the muscles.

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18 comments:

  1. You totally forgot the phrase top ramen and tuna!

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  2. You know, one thing I've learned about steroid use is that most people who criticize bodybuilders who use them are usually jealous of them, the fact is you were just a pussy to use steroids, I respect what you're doing but it still takes alot of effort to get anywhere in bodybuilding even with steroids, hell if abuse is all that was needed then half the guys on the boards I go to should've gotten their ifbb pro cards, but only a handful actually got a pro card. The other thing I'd like to state is that steroids ARENT FUCKING EXPENSIVE, Fucks sakes. The basic ones e.g Test,deca, dbol, are actually pretty cheap to get. They're much more cheaper then bullshit fucking supplements which people spent 300$ a month on, with that kind of money I could buy enough food and gear to get huge and shredded. You call all bodybuilders egotistical and narcisstic, Listen man its what they fucking do with their money and their lives you have no right to insult them, you're a fucking nobody and honestly if there were no fucking "side effects" (which are pretty exaggerated anyway) you'd take them in a heartbeat, you're no one to tell anyone if taking steroids is worth it or not, getting plastic surgery (fake tits) is okay, women take birth control pills (estrogenic steroids) is okay, THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG with testosterone?

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    1. The wrong is that all of those bodybuilders you are talking about would look like a regular person if it was not for the roids, GH and insulin they use.

      The wrong is that people lose a lot of time and money chasing a pipe dream.

      Other than that it's ok to lose all your money on hormones. It's your money after all. Just don't lie.

      Thanks for the support. Please subscribe.

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    2. ^Well that's not entirely true, unless you get really fucked up (liver problems, kidney problems) you should be able to maintain a nice chunk of your gains. There was a study done in which they proved that certain gains remained long after steroid use was ceased.

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    3. Without the hormones in your body you can't maintain anything. All the "gainz" slowly but surely go away and, trust me, after a few months you will look just like anybody else when you go off.

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    4. Ok will the first one to admit that I am jelly of roid users. I mean its a physique that is obviously unattainable on a certain level it looks nice ie Jeff Seid level of physique. And honestly I am not ashamed of that!
      Yeah I heard of that research but I doubt the gainz are gonna be as huge as compared to actually taking the roidz

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    5. Ok will the first one to admit that I am jelly of roid users. I mean its a physique that is obviously unattainable on a certain level it looks nice ie Jeff Seid level of physique. And honestly I am not ashamed of that!
      Yeah I heard of that research but I doubt the gainz are gonna be as huge as compared to actually taking the roidz

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    6. The side effects are fucking exaggerated anyway, even if you don't wanna take that much just take a TRT dose, it shouldn't fuck up anything.

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    7. It's the addiction that's the prioblem as well as the moronic idea that muscles will replace emotional voids. It will never happen. They hide them but inside it's still empty.

      IronGangsta does not recommend the use of anabolic steroids for no medical reasons.

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    8. No, Muscles WON'T replace your insecurities, if that's the intention you have then you're making a mistake bodybuilding. The reason why I juice is not because I'm insecure, its just I always liked the look and its what I wanted to see when I looked myself in the mirror every morning.

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    9. Yeah, but why do you need to look like that in the first place? Because you are insecure.

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    10. Well maybe, but I'm happy with it, isn't that all that matters? You're happy with not doing steroids, and I'm happy I look like that isn't that all that matters?

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    11. It's a personal choice and you are 100% correct. There are far worse things than doing steroids. I agree with you.

      But very few people are admitting the effectiveness of steroids. That causes problems.

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    12. ^Finally, I see this on so many places and it pisses me off. Steroids are 90 FUCKING PERCENT of Bodybuilding, GOOD fucking genetics don't change anything you'll still gain the same amount of muscle as you're supposed to gain as a natural by having good genetics you won't fucking bypass the law of diminishing returns, but then people go like "OH BUT BUT I saw this guy he has super genetics and he's 250lbs shredded and he doesn't even lift" Its shit like this that I dislike. You have to train and diet but steroids are not the "finishing touch", although it helps to build a bit of a base so that atleast you look decent when you shrink.

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    13. I think that comment nailed it. Well said.

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    14. Thanks, its just that in the last couple of posts I got the wrong impression of you. I like the fact that you're willing to accept that its a personal choice and people can take far worse things which have no benefit (alcohol, tobacco which kills far more people and is legal).

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    15. I suggest you make a post about Football players since most people seem to think they're natty. And Just have "Good genetics".

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