Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Johnny Meets California Muscle

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Little J's head was about to explode and he couldn't fall asleep despite knowing that every bodybuilder needs at least 8 hours of sleep in order to recover from a hard workout. "You grow on your rest days" is a famous phrase among fitness enthusiasts who are not willing to sacrifice their muscles for anything. After all, who are you if you don't have big muscles? Will you ever get the girls if you don't have huge musculature? Similar questions were troubling the mind of Johnny as he was trying to drift away. He even got out of bed and did 50 or so push-ups in order to get tired. It helped.

4 hours later...

Johnny was already on the bus and on his way to work. He was sitting alone when a big man perched on the seat next to him. The man was a famous local bodybuilder and his nickname was California Muscle. His shoulders were so broad that Johnny had no choice but to move as closest to the window as possible. Little J's cheek was even touching the cold glass of the window. After about 20 minutes the big man turned to the left and said to Johnny:

'Hey, do you have something to eat? I am missing my anabolic window¹ and my mom did not pack me anything for lunch!', said the huge man.

Initially Johnny did not know what to say but after a few minutes he remembered that he had Muscle Milk For Real Man in his bag. He grabbed a bottle and immediately gave it to passenger next to him. 

'It's all I have, sir. It's really good for muscles!', said Johnny and gave a bottle of the precious substance to California Muscle who looked at the bottle with hesitation but decided to try it because missing your anabolic window was like forgetting to buy a present for you kid's birthday. In other words - impermissible. 

'That's some good shit right there...', said California Muscle and produced one of the largest burps known to man.

All passengers seemed to be quite irritated by the behavior of California Muscle but nobody said anything to him because besides being extremely muscular he was also an ex-convict. Johnny really liked what he saw and made the following conclusion: big muscles make you God amongst men.

'How did you get so big, sir?', said Little J while looking at the muscular forearm of California Muscle like it was the rear of a CrossFit girl.

'I did some time, you know. At that place you either live or you die...only the strongest survive...', said California Muscle with an extremely deep voice.

'Sir, will you help me get as big as you? I really need to develop my musculature and you seem to have the secret.', said Little J. The whole time he was avoiding eye contact with California muscle because he felt ashamed of his size.

'Be in front of Crap Is Golden Gym at 4 a.m. sharp tomorrow morning.', said California Muscle and looked at Little J with the weirdest grimace he could possibly make.

To be continue...

¹anabolic window /from Wikipedia/ - The "metabolic window", or what is also referred to as the “anabolic window”, is considered by gym goers and supplement companies to be a 45-minute opportunistic period to increase muscle size by ingesting carbohydrates and amino acid supplements.

Contrary to this belief, researchers studying the effects of carbohydrates and amino acid supplementation taken various times after a workout found no difference in a 0-3 hour period in the rate of uptake of protein into the muscles or protein balance (Rasmussen et al., 2000). More importantly, Tipton (2001) found that weight lifters may actually benefit with respect to muscle anabolism by taking in carbohydrates and amino acids before working out. This is because weight lifting increases blood flow, which will increase the transportation of amino acids to the muscles.

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