Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World:The Treasure

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After the unpleasant experience Molly had with Christian T she decided to go to the local park and calm her down. She sat on a bench and for about 1 hour just looked at the fountain in front of her. Finally, she decided to examine the map she took from Chris-T. It was an extremely detailed chart presenting different drug zones – not only steroids but also narcotics such as cocaine and ironically ecstasy (Molly is slang for ecstasy).

The information in the hands of Molly was great but she didn't know what to do with it. The police department in the town was too corrupt and she was hired by IronGangsta.com after all. Being a bad girl who likes to watch a lot of TV Series such as White Collar Molly decided to play detective and pulled out her UV detector in order to check for hidden signs. Everything was looking pretty normal and the inspection was about to end when the lamp passed over the center the map. There were some kind of numbers resembling coordinates - 30°51′39″N 100°35′54″W.

Luckily Molly had one of those fancy phones that people were calling smart and entered the data into Google Earth. According to the Big Brother the location was somewhere in this very town. To be precise the coordinates were pointing to some kind of old monument in the center of the town. It was just a few blocks away and Molly decided to examine it in order to see what was so special about it.

The monument was weird to say the least. It represented a Golden Men Masturbating on a building. It was a wild thing although locals were pretty accustomed to it. But why would that monument be of any interest to Christian T and Antonio Montana. What was so special about that dude?

http://www.davidcerny.cz/

'This is the bitch. Take her.', said somebody.

The voice came behind Molly's back and she turned to see what was going on. Two guys who were incredibly similar to the guards of Antonio Montana were just 10 or 15 steps away from her. They were the perfect definition of armed and dangerous and looked like two hungry and angry pitbulls who haven't eaten for 2 days to a year. Normally, Molly was going to stay for the fun but decided to test the record of Usain Bolt. After all her father used to say that running was the best form of self-defense.

Molly started running.

'Hey, bitch! Stop or we will shoot.”

Molly had a M-16 rifle in her bag but there were too many civilians and she was not the most precise shooter in the world. In fact, she sucked, but don't tell anyone. The former waitress reached one of the main streets and approached the first car parked at the side of the road.

'Hey, sexy how you doing?', said the driver.

'Very nice.', answered Molly and punched him in the face. He was knocked out, cold.

Molly moved the driver to the front passenger seat and started the car.

She was gone but new very well that time was not on her side. Molly decided to organize one more meeting of the old crew.

Click here for the next part.

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25 Things You Need To Learn About The Fitness Industry

1.Without abusing steroids you will never be as big as the men in g-strings you see in magazines.

2.There isn't a secret training method out there that will make you look like the Hodge Twins.

3.Supplements are made out of pig food.

4.Creatine is a useless supplement.

5.Eating as much as a professional bodybuilders will only make you fat.

6.Jesus does not exist but if he did he will not give a fuck about squats.

7.Fitness people are stupid, just to go a bodybuilding expo.

8.Small muscles do not equal frequent s-e-x but the same is true for big muscles.

9.True natural bodybuilders can only be found in the gym – they are the smallest ones.

10.Everybody knows that you train to get the girls.

11.Steroids do work on anybody but can kill you and cost money and balls.

12.Size matters – despite what they tell you.

13.Kettlebells don't make you better. Training does.

14.Pavel Tsatsouline, Mark Rippetoe, T-Nation and Bodybuilding.com are business men.

15.There is a sucker born every minute.

16.Bodybuilders don't live “pure lives.”

17.You don't need a lot of protein.

18.There is not such things as body re-composition – you can't lose fat and muscle at same time unless you use chemicals.

19.Not everybody can get big naturally.

http://www.amalawi.info/

20.Guys like Dave Tate have been on steroids for decades and have no testosterone in their balls.

21.Zyzz was a narcissistic and ignorant person. He didn't change anything.

22.All guys behind the famous fitness YouTube channels are on steroids but will never admit since they are making money and have each other's back.

23.90% of the bodybuilders masturbate in front of Web Cams. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for cash.

24.99% of the research in the bodybuilding field is made up on the spot or faked by supplement companies.

25.Supplements sold by T-Nation are useful only if you need a bottle to store pennies or nails.

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Show Me The Money

Click here for the previous part.

This time Molly decided to play the “tough girl card.”

'Let's bench press.', {Molly}

'Hm...sure.', replied Johnny with a very nervous voice. The reason was that he was afraid Molly may be stronger than him and push more weight. It's the worse that can happen to your self-esteem – being outbenched by a girl.

Molly and Johnny approached the bench press station right next to Christian T and started warming-up. Up to about 135lbs Molly was feeling pretty strong, however, after the weight got up to 150lbs she started doing partial repetitions in order to save her strength. Johnny saw that and said:

'You need to let the barbell touch your chest and the push the weight back up.'

'Fuck you and and put 225lbs on the bar.' {Molly – she had a plan}

Johnny knew very well that 225lbs was a weight Molly would never be able to press up but he had “enough of this bitch” and decided to play along. 225lbs or 4 plates were loaded on the bar. Molly grabbed the weight – her arms were shaking like sausages. This is never a good sign when you are bench pressing. She lowered the weight all the way to her chest and tried to push-up: 'Uh........'. She failed and asked Johnny for help but the weight was too heavy even for him. This is when her bald savior Christian T a.k.a The Anaconda Man came to save her. He took the 225lbs barbell and performed a bicep curl. Molly was free. {little did he know that it was all part of her plan}.

'Are you trying to kill yourself? Your spotter is pure shit.' {Christian T.}

'It's all good. Usually I rep this weight but I had a very rough couple of days and obviously my recovery is not up to par. How is the juice that you bought from me? Is it delicious?', said Molly while scratching her calves.

'Ah...the juice. It's perfect.' {Christian T}

'What juice? Are you taking steroids again?', said the wife of Christian T {the couple was training together}

'Of course not, honey. You know I have health problems and can't take that shit.', lied Christian T. a.k.a. The Anaconda Man.

'I hope you are telling the truth. Let's go to the pec deck machine and pump your pecs.' {Christian T's wife/husband}

'Just a moment, honey. Start without me. I want to make sure that this lady is ok.', replied Christian T who almost shit the bed this time. He knew very well that his wife was going to kick him out if she found out that he was lying about his heart problems and was taking all the steroids known to man kind.

'I see what you did right there. S-E-X-Y. Your wife doesn't know about your addiction to hormones.', said Molly while touching her right tit pretending that it was hurting because of the bench pressing she did. Then Molly told Johhny to buy her a protein shake to calm her down after such an intense bench press session.

Once Christian T and Molly were alone they started talking:

'Shut up. She can't know about any of this, if I want to live.' {the Anaconda Man}

'What will daddy do to make me shut up.' {Molly}

'What do you want?'

'Tell me about that map you exchanged with Antonio you fucktard or I am going to tell your wife that you are not only using steroids but also fucking other women on daily basis.', said Molly.

'Ok. I will tell you all about it. Meet me tomorrow morning at the office. I work for Gay-Nation. Here's my card.'

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Business As Usual

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Molly and Little J were headed straight to home of the latter. He lived with his parents in a small apartment at the end of the town. That's why the ride took a little longer than expected and Molly had to stop at a gas station in order to, as Dr. Dre would say, “put some gas in that motherfucker”.

While she was graciously loading the car with fuel Johnny saw an employee of Crap Is Golden Gym spreading some kind of posters – Little J and California Muscle were wanted. This wasn't a big surprise since this town was pretty crazy in the first place and by the looks of it was also living according to the laws in the 19^th century.

After 30 minutes...

Unfortunately for Johnny it was impossible to enter the house without talking to his mother which was both worried about the absence of her son but also somewhat happy since: “the little sissy boy was finally out of the house”.

'Hello, mother!', said Johnny with the voice of a weakling. He thought that if he pretended to be somewhat sick his mother would be a little nicer to him. False!

'Where have you been, you fucking lazy piece of crap? Did you forget who is paying for your college education, you dumb fuck!', said the loving woman who gave birth to the main character of this story.

Johnny didn't know how to respond to similar attitude, although his usual strategy was to simply say: 'Fuck you, mom!' and go watch porn in his room to which his parents used to refer as “The Den Of The Chronic Masturbator”. Luckily for Little J they were mostly doing it behind his back.

This time was different – Molly was with him and he didn't want to sound like a dick in front of her.

When Little J's mom saw that her son was actually with a girl she felt somewhat ashamed of her words but decided to continue in the same gangsta rap lyrics like style:

'Who's the whore with you? There's no place for sluts in this house.' {the mother}

'Please, mother let us in. We just have a little work to do on the computer and she will be gone.' {Johnny}

'So, she really is a whore.', replied Little J's mother while experiencing profound internal satisfaction that she was finally able to use Hollywood lines when communicating with her son.

Molly had a history of suffering caused by her obsessive mother and knew exactly how Johnny was feeling. That's why she decided to do the most rational thing a person does in similar situation. She pulled out the M-16 rifle she took from Antonio's house and said:

'Listen to your son and let us in.'

The mother didn't know how to react and so did Little J. He wasn't sure for how long he was going to live in the house of his parents but judging by the current situation his time was over.

Molly tied Johnny and his mother {she was getting pretty good at that} and went upstairs to check the video recorded by the spy camera hidden in the teddy bear. She wanted to be the first one to see what was on the tape. Everything was looking just as expected – drugs, whores, steroids – when something interested happened. Christian T, the guy to which she sold anabolic steroids, had a 10 minute tête-à-tête conversation with Antonio Montana during which men exchanged some kind of a map.

'What's on that map?' {Molly}

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: The Golden Picture

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The tree house was now secure and Little J and California Muscle have obtained the perfect position to take a million dollar picture. The camera they “bought” from the pawn shop was so powerful that shooting photos from a few miles was a not problem. It was about 6 p.m. and the deal was usually happening about 7 p.m. or right after Antonio Montana's arm workout. Cali and Johnny decided to experiment with their equipment while they were waiting. Johnny opened the box of the powerful camera and started assembling it. After a few minutes he was done: 'Let's test it!', he said.

The equipment was so big that in some positions it required more than one pair of hands or at least a tripod. Johnny pointed it towards the building in front and looked through the viewer. The landscape surpassed his expectations. The lenses and optical zoom of the machine were so good that viewing objects located in the center of the town was not a problem. Johnny decided to check how the room of Antonio Montana looked through those majestic binoculars. What he saw was unexpected, to say the least. Molly was there.

'Isn't that Molly?', said Little J to California Muscle who was checking whether the nuns have forgotten some of their weed and cigarettes. There was none.

'Are you kidding me? Let me see! ', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying:

http://lanagriffin.blogspot.com/

'Are you kidding me? Let me see!', said Cali and pushed Johnny a little bit. The scrawny boy was not lying. It was really Molly, even though her hair was a different color. She was dressed in a nice red dress and strangely enough was holding a teddy bear which she carefully placed on the desk of Antonio Montana and left. The teddy was obviously a hidden camera but California Muscle needed more than the average time to realize it.

How did Molly get there before them and why was she in Antonio's room in the first place seemed were questions troubling Cali's mind. However, there was not much time left to think because it was already time for deal. After 10 minutes Antonio Montana entered the crime scene. He was holding a huge instrument case. There were also three men next to him and each of them was carrying a briefcase.

One of them was Christian T. He was the shortest one and was also bald due to constantly injecting himself with powerful anabolic steroids. Antonio opened the case – it was full of illegal growth hormone imported from Mexico.

'U mirin' brahs?*', said Antonio to the buyers. After seeing the drugs the three men next to him opened their briefcases – they were all full of “Benjamins.” At that point one could literally observe Antonio Montana shape shift into a greedy reptile.

'Got you bastards', said California Muscle while taking golden pictures with the powerful camera. One of the steps that was going to make California Muscle And Johnny J free of all charges was already complete, or so did they thought.

Click here for the next part.

*'U mirin' brahs' - slang for 'Do you admire what you see, brothers?'

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Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Girl Got Game

For the previous part click here.

Molly put all the money, steroids and a few bottles of growth hormone in the trunk of the Blueberry and started the car. She was headed straight towards the local gym, Homo Planet, where she was going to try sell the goods she stole from CT Flat Brain and his son. After about 20 minutes of driving the waitress, now steroid dealer, arrived at the training facility.

She knew very well that looks sell products. For that reason Molly cut her blouse just a little bit so that a small portion of her nipple was showing. The girl was able to make pretty solid money from tips using that ancient technique. Molly was smart and informed enough to know that usually the guys with the biggest muscles were the true steroid junkies willing to do anything to get bigger. The blonde hearbreaker looked around and found her victim. He was a middle age man with huge chest muscles doing heavy bench presses. For the sake of this story we will call him – Christian T. Molly slowly approached the man like a scorpion looking to sting its new victim.

'Hi. It's so hot in here.', said Molly while trying to stretch her hamstrings on the bench next to the one used by Christian T. After observing what was happening before his eyes Chris experienced insane blood flow in a sacred place – forgotten to him feeling due to severe abuse of every steroid under the sun. His balls simply didn't produce much of the male hormone on their own and proper supplementation was needed in order for Chris to be considered a true alpha male.

'Hi, cutie! What can I do for you?' said Chris and consciously started flexing his pecs.

'Why don't you buy me a drink from the bar?', said Molly while biting her lower lip.

'Of course. Let's go!', said Chris who was actually just starting his chest workout and skipping one was something he hasn't done in decades. He didn't hesitate much to make this one an exception.

'You look in great shape. How often do you train?', asked Chris.

'Every day. The body you see pays my bills.', replied Molly while taking a sip.

'Listen, if you want we can go out for dinner sometime.', proposed Chris.

'Of course. But first I need a little help with something. My brother seems to be a drug addict. I found a bag of drugs in his car. He claims it's steroids he takes due to hormonal therapy. Can you take a look and tell me if it's really steroids.', answered Molly.

Chris was a little shocked. He did not expect Molly to say something like that and for a second thought his boner catalyst was a cop.

'You are not a cop right. Cause if you are you should know that I am all natural – just genetics, hard work and tons of milk. I also have very high testosterone. People even call me the T-Man.', said Christian T while scratching his dick unconsciously.

'Of course I am not a cop. I am a stripper.', said Molly.

'Show me the money then.', said the T-Man.

Molly and Chris went to the Blueberry and the waitress/drug dealer/fictional stripper opened the trunk and showed the steroids to the T-Man.

'That's really muscle drugs...some quality growth hormone right there. My friend CH4 {nickname} swears by it.....he got huge as hell.', screamed Chris after seeing what were potentially 10 months of muscle elixir supplies.

'Listen, I will sell you everything for 10 grant. My brother does not need that shit even if it's just steroids.', said Molly while smiling.

{Remember that the whole time 1/3 of her nipple is showing}

'You got it girl. But you still agree to go out with me.', asked Chris.

'Sure.', replied Molly even though she did not hear anything after 'You got it girl.'

10 grant and a Blueberry car richer, the waitress/drug dealer/fictional stripper was moving up in the world but in the meanwhile her old friends were not wasting time.

Click here for the next part.

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Time To Think For Yourself: Jim Wendler And T-Nation

Recently, one of the readers of IronGangsta.com has left a comment in which he complained about how the popular powerlifter Jim Wendler charges USD 20 for his forum. We decided to investigate the issue and see what is really going on. It turns out that Mr. Wendler truly has a paid forum with monthly subscription.

Obviously, it's not illegal to have a message board with paid membership. The problem here is the double standard displayed by Mr. Wendler who has written the following: “Don’t fall for the crap that people are peddling on message boards, in magazines or on TV.” {source}.

So, he is not a big fan of message boards but having a paid one yourself seems to be perfectly fine?

On top of everything Mr. Wendler, who is the poster boy for “I don't give a fuck” mentality, has written numerous articles on T-Nations which is a site selling ineffective supplements to young and not so young people eager to look like the models they see, in the almost pornographic pictures on that web-site. In one of his articles Mr. Wendler has even taken the liberty to present his “stack of supplements”. IronGangsta took a screen shot of that particular piece of supposedly useful information. {source}

As you can see from the image above Mr. Wendler has basically become a T-Nation supporter and by now most of you probably know IronGangsta's position on that company – run away, they just want your money.

It seems that Mr.Wendler, however, finds that the products of the company are “worth their weight in gold”. Interestingly enough in an old brief interview on YouTube.com Mr. Wendler has stated that according to him the secrets to getting big are: “Dbol (anabolic steroid) and Milk”. You can see the video here: 

So, what is the secret to big muscles, Mr. Wendler - “Dbol and milk” or “Indigo 3G and Plazma”? 

To those of you who are unaware, every powerlifter who competes at a high level has used or is using some kind of anabolic steroids. Supplements have never been a crucial part in the preparation process. They are just a nice addition that is meant to allow the fitness industry to exist on the back of ignorant individuals.

Most of the supplements companies out there have no respect for the little guy. Their way of justifying their actions is as follows:

“If the individuals buying our products are foolish enough to believe that all they need to look like a fitness model are protein powder and creatine they deserve to be scammed.”

This is an extremely lame statement and is no different than a professional fighter saying:

“Anybody who is small and weak and does not know how to fight should not complain that he is taking a beating.”

Being ignorant on a specific subject does not make you a bad person but it could turn you into a victim. If a medical professional is selling placebo drugs to a sick patient most would consider that doctor immoral and even evil. So, why is it fine to use the same scheme when it comes to training? After all, as Will Smith has said: “Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

Mr. Jim Wendler and the gentlemen from T-Nation are welcome to continue with their symbiosis based on hypocrisy. We know it will never end and we don't expect it to. Maybe the next time there will be a report revealing the existence of new miraculous gas based supplement which makes you bigger and leaner by just inhaling it? We have now idea. What we do know, however, is that IronGangsta will be here to read between the lines for those who can't.

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The Truth About Bodybuilding.com

IronGangsta.com does not have an account on Bodybuilding.com. We got banned a couple of times and after that we saw no point in trying to post there. The board has so many limitations and the level of maturity and intellectual development is extremely low. Here is an analysis of BB.com in a nutshell.

Bodybuilding.com is a place where teenagers with very little knowledge or experience regarding weight lifting go to educate themselves. However since the site has very strict policy regarding discussion of anabolic substances most people use code words such as "cell tech" when they are talking about synthetic hormone sand other medicaments abused by professional bodybuilders on daily basis.  

illustration by Pawel Kuczynski

Of course there are experienced lifters there but the majority of the forum is formed by young adults trying to improve their physique in order to please girls/boys and feel better about themselves. Since money in bodybuilding is coming from supplement sales (that's why every retired or active IFBB bodybuilder is trying to push a new "revolutionnary" supplement line) the real income for site like BB.com and T-Nation is generated by naive teenagers and their parents who do not know any better. However since the BB.com has millions of visitors every day it is really hard to control everybody and that's why every now and then a little bit of truth is able to pass through the strict control of the moderators but for the most part all you find there are cocky teenagers who have hard time spelling correctly. If you don't agree with them you will be politely asked to "try harder, phaggot". At the same time everybody is fighting for their "reps" without realizing that they are nothing more than junkies and the dealers are the supplement companies, BB.com, T-Nation, StartingStrength.com...etc.

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T-Nation Once Again Using Results From Steroids To Promote Its Supplement Line

In this article on T-Nation.com is presented an insane body transformation which, according to the authors, happened without the use of anabolic substances besides large amount of supplements. 

To people with a little more experience it's quite obvious what actually happened and truth be told most likely supplement have very little to do with it.

As usually it's the same old...

“There are three types of lies - lies, damn lies, and statistics.” 

― Benjamin Disraeli

From 

To

with that ?

Workout Supplement Protocol

Pre-Workout   Finibar™

Indigo-3G®
Plazma™    1 bar
6 capsules
1/2 dose (37.5 g)    30 min. prior to workout
30 min. prior to workout
15 min. prior to workout
Workout   Plazma™
Plazma™    1/2 dose (37.5 g)
1 - 2 doses (65 g each)    Finish the second half of the first dose.

Drink throughout the workout.

Post-Workout   Mag-10®    1 pulse (35 g)    Immediately post-workout
Other Supplements

Brain Candy®   Brain Candy® is another staple. It's amazingly powerful. What works best for me is mixing the original and caffeine-free versions together. I'll drink half of that concoction in the morning and the other half around 3:00 PM.

Rhodiola    Rhodiola is a great supplement that I like cycling into my routine. I usually run a bottle, 1 capsule in the morning and 1 capsule before training. When I run out, I'll wait about a month, then start again. I feel it works best like this.

Metabolic Drive®  I always keep Metabolic Drive® Protein on hand. I'll mix two scoops, half a cup of dry oats, and a tablespoon of raw almond butter for a really great easy meal.

Superfood    Superfood is perfect for adding to a shake. I challenge you to find a better mix!

Flameout™  I get my daily fish-oil intake from Flameout.™ Since fish oil has a blood-thinning effect, and my blood platelet count is low, I take just 2 grams a day.

Elitepro™ Minerals  I take Elitepro™ Minerals every night. It's also my go-to supplement for a good night's sleep.

Since I am tired of repeating the same thing over and over again I will just say it in one sentence this time:

That guy used steroids to transform his body and now T-Nation is using his tranformation to sell useless supplements to ignorant people.

You should all know by now that T-Nation Does Not Have Your Best Interest In Mind.

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The Truth About Christian Thibaudeau

Christian Thibaudeau is one of the many guys out there who are starting to accumulate very bad karma because of the hundreads of lies they sell to poort teenagers. Guys like him have basically selling their soul to the supplement devil. He is a drug addict and is using all kinds of anabolic steroids. Thibs is one of those "natural guys" who respond so bad to steroids that they need to claim natural. Of course he also has be small enough to keep fools believing he is natural so that T-Nation can sell overpriced urine and fart a.k.a supplements.

Christian Thibaudeau is 5'9 (probably more like 5'7.2 but since he has Napoleon complex he claims 5'9) and his body weight is 200 lbs at 5% BF. The famous bodybuilder Frank Zane was 5'9 and 185 pounds. He was Mr. Olympia three times. So, Mr. Natural has 15 pounds of LBM on Frank Zane and still claims "natural". Makes perfect sense. Mr. Christian Thibaudeau likes to inform everybody that he cannot take steroids due to heart problems. At the same time he is as big as many well known "juicers".

If you want to know how much stuff Christian Thibaudeau is taking watch this video of Bostin Loyd. Christian Thibaudeau uses about the same amount, give or take...

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.” 

― Jessica Brody, The Karma Club

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The Truth About Professor X On T-Nation

I hate T-Nation with a passion. Actually I hate T-Nation more than I hate steroids. A lot more. It's mainly because of the insane amount scams you can see on the site. I can write a book about 200 pages long on the issue but today I will just focus on one of the most famous posters on T-Nation - Professor X.

Professor X is what I would call delusional insecure wannabe. He is really famous for his advice: "eat till you puke and get heavy ass f*". He is about 260-300 lbs at 6' and of course claims he is natural. That's why most people listen to him. He is big. But the truth is as follows:

Professor X is not a natural bodybuilder and is also overweight by bodybuilding standards. 

Professor X is welcome to shut the fuck up and
stop giving misleading advice to newbies.

The advice of Professor X is horrible and only good if you are on steroids. If not you will simply get as fat as him but without the muscle.

At 280 lbs this guy has to lose solid 50-60 pounds to get to competition level of leanness. That makes him 220-230 lbs at 6'. And we all know that Arnold (6'2 tall) abused steroids since a very young age competed at 235lbs. That's why Professor X is welcome to shut the fuck up, once more.

P.S. Most of the big posters on T-Nation are getting some shady deals with T-Nation in order to spread bad information and keep ignorant individuals believe in massive lies and supplements which are as useful as money when you are dead.

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