Tuesday, February 4, 2014

15 Things We Do That Change Shit

1.Looking at your watch to speed up or slow down time.

It's not going to happen! Give it up already! Instead of looking at your watch massage your dick and balls – it's more useful.

2.Telling yourself you are younger than you are.

No, you are not. Maybe next time. Oh! Wait! It doesn't work like that.

3.Telling yourself the mirror makes you fat.

No, it doesn't. Last time I checked mirrors were zero calories. Try them if you don't trust me.

4.Not masturbating.

What's in it for you when you don't jack-off? It seems that only the pope wins in similar situation.

5.Praying to God.

Millions tried it and prayer didn't save them from Adolf Hitler. Why do you think you are special?

6.Reading T-Nation

Reading T-Nation is like reading toilet paper.


Voting changes shit. It's an illusion of choice.

8.Posting stupid stuff on Facebook

Nobody cares about your posts. Even you – think about it dumb fuck.

9.Writing letters to Santa Claus

It's basically the same as praying to God – you get the same effect if you scratch your balls.

10.Trying to understand why people play golf.

It's a game for rich bastards. You have no business thinking about it.

11.Saying “Hello!”

Why bother? What does that stupid word mean anyway?

12.Explaining how the TV works to insects.

They will never get it.

13.Believing what the government tells you.

It's pointless. You should watch Star Wars. There is more truth about the world.

14.Telling people “I am sorry.” before killing them.

What does that change? You won't get less prison time for being polite.

15.Telling a dog not to bite you.

Don't you know that humans don't speak doggy languages. They are not part of the school system.