Thursday, February 6, 2014

Bodybuilders Are Babies

Do you know that “bodybuilder” is just another word for “baby”? The life of muscle men largely resembles the life of a baby that needs constant care and cannot be left alone for more than a minute. This is exactly how bodybuilders live. They get up in the morning and start injecting all kinds of steroids in their assholes – testosterone, trenbolone, EQ...etc.Then they take their oral steroids – anavar, dbol, deca...etc. Bodybuilders would even take birth control pills if that was going to make them any bigger. After the drug loading phase is complete they start the food loading rituals. Of course, most professional bodybuilders have a wife/husband which they treat as a slave. The wife/husband is doing all the cooking and prepares the meals and steroid injections, sometimes she/he even has to wipe the butt of his/hers husband/wife since when you are really big doing it yourself is not listed as an option and you have to either be creative or ask somebody to do it for you. Love knows no limits.

After the loading phases are complete the muscle monster goes to train. The training usually consists in lifting light weights on machines and the hardest part of the workout is finding original ways to grunt while pretending that the weight that is lifted is real heavy. During the workout the individual is usually posing in front of the mirror and whispering: “I fucking love myself and my big meat.” It's hard to make a bodybuilder focus on anything beyond the material world – similar stuff is for the skinny nerds who were lucky enough to survive natural selection. When the workout is complete the bodybuilder goes to his/hers expensive vehicle where more steroids and insulin are being injected. Then the baby drives home to eat and goes to bed for a nice afternoon nap in order to get ready for what's next – more eating and more steroids.

At night bodybuilders usually take their wife/husband to the movies where they watch action productions – babies love action. Movies that make you think are not on the priority list of any bodybuilder. They are for the stupid poor people who can't afford to be part of the real action. Fuck those people. If the movie is over 2 hours long the bodybuilder takes with him a snack consisting of chicken breast and broccoli. In the best case scenario the bodybuilder will be able to suck on his wife tits in order to get some quality protein from natural milk. Unfortunately, some bodybuilders have husbands or wives that look like husbands and drinking milk from mommy's boob is not always an option. Science is not there yet but I think there are smart gay men who like big muscles and are working on that problem - you gotta do what you gotta do to feed that big baby.

The night usually ends at 8 p.m. because bodybuilders have to go to bed early in order for their severely damaged muscles to repair. It helps if mommy reads bed stories to the little baby, preferably about Hercules or X-man. There are researches that reveal elevated synthesis of protein when a babybuilder goes to bed with a smile on his face.

Gotta love muscles!