Sunday, February 2, 2014

Hey, Chuck Norris! How Much Ya Bench ?


/or 20 answers Chuck Norris would give to the eternal question: “How much ya bench?”/

1.I bench press so heavy that sometimes Jesus and God call Mary for help when they spot me.

2.I bench press so heavy that sometimes all steel workers in China need to work overtime in order to manufacture the weights I need on my barbell.

3.I bench press so heavy that when I bench it feels like there is an elephant invasion in the state.

4.I bench press so heavy that when I bench all priests in the world say: “Holy shit!”.


5.I bench press so heavy that people need an IBM supercomputer to count the plates on the barbell.

6.I bench press so heavy that when I bench the Earth changes its orbit and becomes flat.

7.I bench press so heavy that when I bench all iron in the world cries.

8.I bench press so heavy that when I bench I don't bench anymore – I simply fuck gravity, hard.

9.I bench press so heavy that when I bench the Earth becomes a yo-yo.

10.I bench press so heavy that when I bench scientist start thinking the dinosaurs are back.

11.I bench press so heavy that when you upload picture of me benching Facebook's servers fail due to the large file size.

12.I bench press so heavy that when you tweet about it your computer explodes.

13.I bench press so heavy that when I bench Superman is shitting his pants in some dark place on Krypton.

14.I bench press so heavy that when I bench you no longer wonder who created the pyramids. You know it was me.

15.I bench press so heavy that when I bench you know why Big Foot sucks balls.

16.I bench press so heavy that when I bench the Virgin Mary loses her temperance.

17. I bench press so heavy that when I bench the Iron Man knows why he is gay.

18.I bench press so heavy that when I bench time makes an exception and goes back in order for people to see my lift once more.

19.I bench press so heavy that when I bench George Lucas has to suck dick to afford a camera big enough to record my lift.

20.I bench press so heavy that when I bench Hercules feels like a cheerleader.

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