Friday, January 24, 2014

37 Reasons Not To Buy Fitness Magazines

1.64% of the content in fitness magazines is dedicated to ads. This means that if you have a 258 pages magazine about 156 pages will be dedicated to supplements ads in your face. {supplements are useless.}

2.The training methods presented in the fitness magazines may look like new cutting edge technology but they will never get you the body of the model on the cover since he/she is using anabolic steroids and growth hormone to get there.

3.If you are a male and you don't like looking at pictures of other oiled men in g-strings it is advisable to skip reading fitness magazines.

4.Fitness magazines make you feel bad about yourself due to the “perfect bodies” {all photoshop} presented in them.

5.The level of language in most fitness magazines is insulting to a 3 year-old.

6.All women in fitness magazines have fake boobs. {you can buy Playboy instead, less ads}

7.Every time you read an article from a fitness magazine is like you've hit your head in a wall – brain damage occurs.

8.Not buying fitness magazines saves you money. Saving money makes you richer.

9.By supporting supplement companies you support lies. In fact, Rich Gaspari just bought a new house with your hard earned money.

10.Supplements cause gas and diarrhea. Looking at ads of supplements has similar effect on the subconscious mind.

11.Athletes in fitness magazines use fake weights. By buying fitness magazines you support the usage of fake weights.

12.Fitness magazines are too slippery to be used as toilet paper material.

13.50 Cent does not buy fitness magazines. He takes money to be part of them. {people say you have to learn from successful individuals}

14.Fitness magazines do not feature material produced by Who would want that?

15.If you don't buy fitness magazines they will go bankrupt and this is a good thing because there will be less lies in the world of bodybuilding.

16.You can kill a person with a fitness magazine but it is faster if you use a gun.

17.If Nikola Tesla was alive he would never buy a fitness magazine.

18.Fitness magazines promote narcissism.

19.There are no natural bodybuilders in fitness magazines. Even the one who say they are natural are actually as natural as sex in a bottle.
20.By buying fitness magazines you support the New World Order and cheap propaganda to the masses.

21.There is enough free training material on the Internet and there is no need to buy fitness magazines to learn.

22.Arnold Schwarzenegger did not need fitness magazines to be the best bodybuilder.

23.If fitness magazines were music it would sound worse than Justin Bieber.

24.When astronauts are sent in space they never take fitness magazines with them because there is no gravity where they are about to go.

25.Every time a kid buys a fitness magazine his mother has to work extra in order to afford the protein powder her son wants now.

26.If books are food for the mind fitness magazines would be dog food.

27.Fitness magazines are for people who can't think for themselves.

28.Every time you buy a fitness magazine the editor in chief goes to Mexico and buys steroids with your money.

29.If fitness magazines were religion it would suck like all religions do.

30.If fitness magazines were a movie it would be The Matrix.

31.Fitness magazines are like dick in a box – you think it's a present but it's actually a dick.

32.If fitness magazines were a dick it would be a fake one.

33.You can't learn how to have sex from bodybuilding magazines despite what the ads say.

34.You can't have s-e-x with a fitness magazine but if you could it would suck and you would get a STD.

35.If fitness magazines were a car it would be made out of paper.

36.Every time you buy a fitness magazine a tree says: “But God, you promise I was going to be toilet paper.”

37.If fitness magazines were a president it would be George W. Bush – dumb as fuck.