Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Johnny's Adventures In The Muscle World: Johnny Meets Testosterone

Click here for the previous chapter.

After the crazy adventure Johnny and California Muscle experienced at Crap Is Golden Gym they decided to go to the house of the latter in order to come up with a strategy that was going to help them fix the unfavorable situation they found themselves in.

The house of California Muscle was like a dungeon. There no light at all. The place was also pretty dirty except for the kitchen which was extremely dirty. There were banana peels all over the floor and the walls were decorated with strains from spilled protein shakes. By the looks of it the last time a woman was in that apartment people were still using cell phones just to talk to each other.

'Put your shit over there', said California Muscle to Little J and pointed towards the couch, or at least the piece of furniture that was supposed to be one. Johnny sat on the sofa and thought:

'How did I end up here? I thought a guy with the physique of California Muscle will have a much better home. And where are the girls?'

Little J's head was going crazy and he decided to get a drink. When he opened the fridge he was amazed at how tidy and precisely placed was everything. There were three separate compartments with labels on them: protein | carbs | fats. Obviously, California Muscle was taking his nutrition very seriously. However, one thing that looked extremely out of the ordinary to Johnny were a few bottles containing weird yellow, transparent and somewhat white substances. The labels were very small and hard to read but Johnny was able to extract a few words: “Testosterone Propionate”. Initially Johnny thought that was one of those popular nutritional supplements that are supposed to increase your natural levels of testosterone but his dreams were about to be shattered forever in about 10 seconds.

'What are you looking for? Have you not seen steroids in your life?', said California Muscle.

For the first time Johnny questioned his beliefs in God. California Muscle was using steroids? How was that possible? After all, he was eating all that tuna and was not making much sense to him.

'You look like you've just learned there is no Santa Claus!', said California Muscle with a look on his face that was supposed to make Little J feel even more stupid.

'So, why are you using steroids if you are eating all that tuna and ramen?', said Johnny.

'It's pretty simple Johnny – you can't get as big as humanly possible without gear. Period.', said California Muscle and grabbed the bottle of testosterone that Johnny was holding and started getting ready for his routine post workout steroid injection. When the needle was sterile and ready California Muscle pulled his pants down, turned his butt towards Little J and said: 'Do it!'.

'No, no, no....Mr. Cali I am not that kind of's all about the girls.....I can't have sex with you', said Johnny after seeing something that he considered an anti-boner sightseeing.

'Sex with me? Are you fucking stupid? You little fucktard! I just want you to inject this shit in my left glute!', replied California Muscle with super serious tone and gave the needle to Little J who had no choice but to do what his coach demanded.

The injection was done and Johnny was still shocked: 'I was doing all that stuff for the girls but instead I am injecting hormones into male butts.', said to himself Little J while California Muscle was pulling his pants up.

'No time for pussyfooting. This place is no safe and we have leave it as soon as we can. Let's start packing. Remember - only essential things', said California Muscle and put his steroids into a special metal case.

Both men were in the middle of their preparation when they heard gunshots coming from the outside. Instinctively Little J and Cali lied down on the floor. California Muscle grabbed his AK-47 and started shooting back. He was not very experienced with weaponry and was quite bad at it. The only thing he hit was his mouth because he did not know how to hold the weapon properly.

'Russian idiots, don't even know how to make a proper gun.', said California Muscle and urged Little J to move towards the back entrance.

Click here for the next chapter.